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McCAIN RELEASES ANOTHER OBAMA BOOSTER AD

August 5, 2008

The McCain campaign's latest ad is actually pretty funny. And, for once, it was meant to be. Not sure if it was deliberately intended to make Obama the automatic choice for evangelicals though...

The McCain campaign's retarded 'celebrity' ad was crass and insulting at a third-grade level. And it worked much better as an ad for Obama. How generous of the McCain campaign to spend millions of dollars reminding everyone how charismatic and popular their opponent is... What was the damned subtext anyway? Vote for me because I'm really unpopular and your vote will be wasted as Obama is set to win by a landslide? Smooth move, McA-hole.

But their newest ad provides an even more compelling reason to vote for Obama: he is the AntiChrist. Hmm... confused? Let's explore the theological conundrum McA-hole has created for himself: if you do believe Barack Obama is the AntiChrist, then there is no question you absolutely must vote for him to ensure that he comes to power and fulfills Biblical prophecy. After all, how could you vote for the guy who isn't the AntiChrist and risk screwing up the final showdown between good and evil where God establishes the kingdom of Heaven on Earth? No self-respecting fundy would dream of voting for McCain if it meant taking a rain check on the Apocalypse. So again, smooth move, McA-hole.

So is there anything else the McCain campaign could do to more forcefully persuade their supporters to switch to Obama? I'd suggest not. They're already playing the AntiChrist card with three more months still to go. It would seem that their load is well and truly shot and Obama's gonna have to start paying for his own ads. (Link to this)

REMEMBER WHEN IT WAS MOSTLY THEIR SEATS THAT SUCKED?

August 5, 2008

Riding the bus these days is more like signing on as an extra in a Robert Rodriguez movie. Stabbings, decapitations, self-mutilation galore... all for as low as $18 if you book online!

"The guy opened the door and his face was completely, completely covered in blood. It was kind of like a horror movie. The only thing that stood out was the whites of his eyes," said a horrified Greyhound passenger as she recounted how a crazy guy scalped himself with a razor in a Greyhound bus bathroom.

This story came to light in the aftermath of the stabbing and decapitation incident aboard another Canadian Greyhound earlier this week. As The Ottawa Citizen says "It's no wonder Karina Hébert rents a car now whenever she travels to Montreal." No wonder indeed. (Link to this)

WHEN HATE CRIMES ARE HILARIOUS

August 5, 2008

Fred Phelps house burned in 'hate' crime.

Fred Phelps, everybody's favorite... ahem... single issue activist, has asked Attorney general Mike Mukasey to treat a recent fire at this home as a "hate crime." Phelps sent the Attorney General's office a letter Sunday claiming "[t]here is evidence that hatred of our religion was the motivation, in part at least."

Let's just concentrate on holding back our tears of sympathy while we try and think of something to say about that... Maybe the comment below from one of the prick's neighbors in Topeka might suffice:

(Link to this)

BRAINSTORMING WITH THE GREAT SATAN

August 5, 2008

Trickier than a nine-colored, octagonal Rubik's cube... a moral compass permanently stuck on true evil... living proof that hell exists because if it didn't, they'd sure have to build one just for him...

Interesting to read about Great Satan Cheney's suggested plan to get a war on with Iran: dress up a few Navy Seals as Iranians, have them screw with the US Navy and call it provocation by Iran. Oh, and get US servicemen shot dead as part of the fiendish plan.

Yup. The VP of the United States proposed tricking members of the United States armed forces into killing other members of the United States armed forces in order to embroil the United States in yet another potentially catastrophic war. Happily, Seymour Hersh's source reports that the assembled brainstormers quickly rejected Cheney's helpful suggestion and moved on.

It may be my mistake, but hasn't Cheney, as the alpha male of the Bushco™ clique, caused America a f*** of a lot more damage in terms of death, wasted treasure and lost prestige than Osama frigging bin Laden could ever dream of? Isn't Cheney, with his horrible combo of arrogance and stupidity, the single worst piece of luck to ever hit this country? Why the f*** can't we be living in more proactive times when this sort of treachery would earn you a hanging rather than just some non-binding bitching by congress?

Oops... I forgot that while the illegality of Cheney's illegality is still up for debate, it is considered rude to talk about this kind of stuff. My mistake. (Link to this)

RIGHT-WING TRASH TALK INSPIRED MASSACRE (WHAT, NO RUSH?!)

August 3, 2008

"Inside the house, officers found "Liberalism is a Mental Health Disorder" by radio talk show host Michael Savage, "Let Freedom Ring" by talk show host Sean Hannity, and "The O'Reilly Factor," by television talk show host Bill O'Reilly."

Inside whose house? Only Jim David Adkisson, the guy who took a shotgun to church to vigorously express his opinions about 'liberalism' during a kid's musical at the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Church.

I wonder what Savage, Hannity and O'Reilly - those three nabobs of wingnut dementia - have to say about that? A search on hannity.com comes up with "Sorry, no matches were found for the Sean Hannity Keyword "Jim David Adkisson"... please try again." At billoreilly.com "Your search - Jim David Adkisson - did not match any documents. No pages were found containing "Jim David Adkisson ".

I couldn't even find a search box on Michael Savage's ugly-ass site. His homepage seems more concerned with denouncing Nancy Pelosi as a "fascist dictator" and taking shots at CAIR than mentioning Adkisson.

So it seems like having a mass-murderer as a fan ain't something these great men of conservative letters are too keen to talk about. Although usually far from shy on any subject, they're in no hurry to expound on how their misanthropic opinions might have inspired a guy to go massacre a few folks at the local lefty church.

Of course, I wouldn't be so crass as to imply Adkisson was a perfectly reasonable guy who became a homicidal maniac only after reading a few crappy books by Savage, Hannity and O'Reilly. That would be like falling for the dumb conservative talking point that porn transforms otherwise reasonable individuals into rabid sex predators. But to some degree, they are accessories to this horrible event and their pussyish refusal to acknowledge their own possible culpability is revolting.

If Adkisson had gone on a shooting spree at a wingnut megachurch and cops had found books by Michael Moore and Al Franken - maybe even a well-thumbed copy of "The Audacity Of Hope" on his night stand - it's difficult to imagine Bill O'Reilly not falling over himself to yell about it. It's also difficult to imagine how the election would not now be lost for Obama. But a killing spree fueled by three of conservatism's biggest mouths does not reflect badly on the conservative presidential candidate they support? Man, the media sure know how to cut some folks a break. (Link to this)

MORE NEWS FROM THE AGED BOZO CAMPAIGN

July 31, 2008

Fried Wire scoop: Obama's fancy working thumbs set to be McCain campaign's next target.

After a hard day campaigning sticking up his thumbs and saying 'my friends' a lot, McA-hole seems to be experiencing some kind of thumb failure. "Say, Cindy, fetch me some WD40... I can't get these bastards back down." (Link to this)

ELITE V. EFFETE AND THE BBQ FROM HELL

July 31, 2008

McCain paints Obama as elitist. True. And..?

McA-hole is trying to make this whole election about elitism. Stupid for several reasons. After all, wouldn't anyone in their right mind want a president who is 'of the elite' if we consider the definition as "the best or most skilled members of a group"? Isn't this why we don't elect Jack In The Box cashiers to be commander-in-chief?

But the McCain campaign is even falling flat with the dumb little 'elitism' strategy. Apparently, 7% more of us would rather have Obama over for a barbecue than down-home, straight-talkin' John McCain.

Definitely leads one to ponder what kind of barbecue from hell we're talking about here. Would you invite McA-hole who'd insult your Asian neighbors, call your wife a c*** and pass out snoring angrily in a lawn chair? Or would you invite Obama who'd probably sip a wine cooler and fuss tediously about making sure his tofu burgers were cooked on a separate grill?

Much as I desperately want Obama to win, I have no problem at all calling him elitist because elitism should be considered a plus not a minus in a presidential race. Perhaps, wingnuts, if you really want to paint a candidate as out of touch and irrelevant, you should use the word 'effete.' Not 'elite.'

But be careful. If anything, 'effete' is a slur that would fit McCain, the witless reincarnation of Bob Dole, like a comfy button-up sweater. (Link to this)

TAKEDOWN IN THE TUNDRA

July 31, 2008

The MSM focuses on Ted Stevens getting busted. But he's just the crazy tip of the criminal iceberg. This is more like the dramatic denouement of a Hollywood Mafia flick...

Some call it prison, GOP pols prefer to call it retirement. Bye, Ted.

A wide-scale corruption investigation has been under way in Alaska for more than four years run by the FBI, the IRS and the U.S. Justice Department's Public Integrity Section. And it's not just Capo di Tutti Ted. A whole crime family of other Republican lawmakers breakers - from former state Senators to the state corrections commissioner - are also either charged, under investigation or in jail:

• Pete "Fuggedaboudit" Kott (R), former Alaska House Speaker
  Got six years in prison, three years probation and a $10,000 fine for bribery, extortion and conspiracy.
• Vic "The Animal" Kohring (R), State Rep and former chairman of the Special Committee on Oil and Gas
  Sentenced to 42 months in federal prison for bribery, conspiracy and attempted extortion.
• Tom "Fat Tony" Anderson (R), former state Rep.
  Sentenced to five years in prison on seven felony charges including bribery, conspiracy and money laundering.
• U.S. Sen. and Alaska Capo di Tutti, Ted Stevens (R).
  Charged with seven counts of filing false financial disclosures, each a felony carrying five years in prison and an unspecified fine.
• Bruce "The Bull" Weyhrauch (R), former state Rep.
  Charged with bribery, attempted extortion, conspiracy and mail fraud.
• State Sen. John "The Enforcer" Cowdery (R).
  Indicted on conspiracy and bribery charges.
• U.S. Rep. Don "The Don" Young (R).
  Widely reported to be under investigation and has reported spending more than $1.2 million in legal fees since 2007.
• Ben "The Rat" Stevens (R), former state Sen.
  Admitted making improper payments of $243,250 to “State Senator B" — a reference to Stevens. Copped a plea deal, now living under the witness protection program in Florida...

So how will this impact that battered old Republican brand? Alaska hasn't had a Dem representing since the Carter administration. But now Democratic candidate for Senate Mark Begich leads Ted Stevens by a margin of 52%-44%. Impressive enough until you realize that being a senile crook with rage issues only takes you down a few points shy of half. No wonder the McCain campaign aren't sweating it too much. (Link to this)

GOD BOTHERERS LAUNCH GAS PRAYER OFFENSIVE

July 31, 2008

"Hey, people, ever hear of the free market? Besides, it's a question of scarcity and demand and I'm right out of dinosaurs." - God

While gas prices continue to spiral up mercilessly, one man has a solution. Rocky Twyman leads a bunch of publicity-savvy evangelicals around the nation's gas stations praying to God to lower gas prices.

"Twyman and his friends have prayed over the pump in six cities - Baltimore, Toledo, Detroit, San Francisco, St. Louis and Washington, D.C. - and he said each has seen decreases in gas prices. The cost of gasoline at a St. Louis station has gone down 46 cents since they prayed there July 12, Twyman said."

At last... a practical solution for high gas prices McA-hole can embrace. And one with added appeal for those fickle Evangelical voters he's had so much trouble keeping on board.

As a GOP candidate, McA-hole is forced to multi-pander to both the Ayn Rand Free Market crowd and the churchies of the heartland. It's a difficult balancing act trying to please both demos at once, but maybe the gas station prayer circle hints at a great solution: McCain/God 2008...

"No, my friends, I don't offer you fancy elitist solutions for the many problems you might imagine you have. I intend to shut up and leave it all up to God. So whether you have faith in the invisible hand of the market or the invisible hand of the big guy upstairs, my friends, vote for me and rest assured I will do and say nothing for the next four years." [Insert terminally uncomfortable smile.] (Link to this)

MONOPOLY MEN INEXPLICABLY GAY FOR McCAIN

July 25, 2008

It's puzzling that McA-hole is still popular with some voters. But most of them are just apolitical, non-news-watching know-nothings who simply don't want a brother in the White (with a capital 'W') House. But what about Wall Street?

Now the "invisible hand of the market" seems to be doing nothing these days other than nervously clutching the invisible balls of the market thanks to Bush, you'd think the bread heads would be way too savvy to support Bush II. Right? No. Says the Biz Journal:

"The Reuters news service asked 29 economic firms which presidential candidate would be better for stock markets, which have been hit by inflation, high energy prices, the housing collapse and financial sector troubles. Twenty-one of those economists said McCain's economic agenda would have a more positive impact on stocks, six cited Obama's policies and two gave no response."

So Wall Street thinks the best cure for our Bush-f***ed economy is a second dose? For some reason, I'm imagining the Mayor of Hiroshima being asked the best way to rebuild the city and suggesting they call up Truman and ask for a second atom bomb. (Link to this)

MR POT MAD WITH MR KETTLE

July 25, 2008

Bush spanks Mugabe for ignoring the will of the people and the international community.

"No regime should ignore the will of its own people and calls from the international community without consequences." Said Our Dear Leader about crazed Zimbabwean lunatic Robert Mugabe.

Living in a country also suffering the consequences of ignoring "the will of its own people and calls from the international community", Fried Wire concurs but is curious to know if Bush's original statement ended with the words "except mine" which were somehow overlooked. (Link to this)

ALL ABOARD THE RECTILINEAR LOQUACITY EXPRESS: NEXT STOP IRRELEVANCE

July 23, 2008

John McCain's self-marginalizing campaign has been getting even crankier of late over the disproportionate amount of coverage Obama's getting. As if to highlight the lack of McCain news, only one lonely reporter showed up in New Hampshire to greet the old fart when he flew in the other day. Very sad. But guess what? There's good reason why the media spend more time on Obama. He's like... err... relevant whereas McCain is not. And God knows they've tried to favor him. But not since the televised finals of the international paint drying competition has anything quite as boring as McCain news hit the tube.

For him to complain that CNN would rather cover Obama, as he bounds vitally and photogenically around the planet, is like Hewell Hauser complaining that he's losing ratings to the Super Bowl. McCain is the wrong guy with the wrong policies at the wrong time (or century) and the only reason he's still running is because typical McCain voters know nothing about politics and proudly let anyone know they never watch the news. All he has going for him is kneejerk racism and an erroneous perception amongst the 'heartland' that he's a gruff, manly man who doesn't take sh** from foreigners.

But even I'd admit there are times when the idea of "president McCain" might not necessarily be catastrophic. While I would not stretch to saying he'd ever be good for the country, I do believe that if we were experiencing times of prosperity, popularity and power he wouldn't be able to do too much damage and might be good for a laugh. After all, Bush was able to get away with it (for one term at least) because we were cushioned by Clinton's legacy of a balanced budget and good standing in the world. But now there's nothing in the bladder left to piss away. We ain't living in the rosy afterglow of the post-Clinton era anymore. Our times are f***ed up and the last thing we need is a new dolt at the helm who admits to knowing nothing about the economy, who wants government to help only those who need no help at all and for whom diplomacy means macho playground posturing.

With circumstances as dire as they are, voting for McCain would not be so much a mistake as tantamount to a suicide bid. (Link to this)

WELCOME TO THE PARTY

July 22, 2008

Fried Wire hates communism - just like Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity do. That's why I'm NOT a f***ing Republican.

Although the McNews networks like to call people like Obama, Clinton and Kerry commies during their more hare-brained bouts of GOP propagandizing, the reality is that the party of Bush and McCain has far more in common with Soviet-style Communism. Here's a few bullet points:

• Under The Party, 'big government' has bloated both literally (2.5 million more employees on the federal payroll since 2002) and figuratively.
  
• Under The Party, unquestioning loyalty is rewarded while dissent is suppressed and punished.
  
• Under The Party, patriotism (formerly defined as 'love for, or devotion, to one's country') has come to be associated instead with political conformity and loyalty to The Party.
  
• Under The Party, absolute submission to authority is a 'virtue' (even if it goes against the spirit of the founding of the United States). This is reminiscent of the communist penchant of appearing to embrace histories and traditions for the sake of popular appeal while, in practice, suppressing them.
  
• Under The Party, denial of the mistakes of government is standard because the Leader must always project strength and infallibility. Even the real extents of natural disasters (see: Katrina) are subject to revisionism and spin.
  
• Under The Party, freedoms of speech, expression and assembly are limited. As usual, national security is cited as justification.
  
• Under The Party, freedom of the press is suppressed. Within the Soviet Union, news media often acted voluntarily to curb their own freedoms in order to suck up to The Party and protect their own enterprises - just as our own McNews networks have done since the repeal of the Fairness Doctrine.
  
• Under The Party, scapegoating has become an enabler of policy and a justification for authoritarianism. Stalin had the Jews, Our Dear Leader has Islam.
  
• Under The Party, we have become accustomed to expecting less while living with a false sense of prosperity and an inflated estimation of our quality of life.
  
• Under The Party, just as within the Soviet Union, unfettered exploitation of resources is considered paramount while conservation and responsible management is considered anathema.
  
• Under The Party, the military are fetishized and militarism becomes a part of daily life.
  
• Under The Party, the spreading of democracy is a subterfuge for colonialism - just as the spreading of communism became a subterfuge for colonialism during the Soviet Union's periods of expansion.
  
• Under The Party, justice has been politicized.
  
• Under The Party, routine domestic surveillance on citizens has become a fact of life.
  
• Under The Party, habeas corpus and probable cause were removed from the statutes in order to make indefinite detainment without trial legally defensible.
  
• Under The Party, the establishment enthusiastically pay lip service to equality while, in practice, minority groups (whether racial, religious or defined by sexual orientation) are routinely discriminated against.
  
• Under The Party, the military and political bureaucracies were purged and sycophantic ideologues installed.
  
• Under The Party, kidnapping and illegal arrests are a tool of government with an entire prison system (Guantanamo) set aside for prisoners classed as threats to national security.
  
• Under The Party, a state of perpetual warfare (or revolution) must be maintained in order to galvanize public support for The Party and distract from The Party's own shortcomings.

Let's avoid snide asides about Cuban gulags or the current Republican efforts to install a Soviet-style gerontocracy via McA-hole... Enough to make any wingnuts pause for thought? (Link to this)

JOHN McCAIN: A HYPOCRITE? SAY IT AIN'T SO!

July 21, 2008

Rich guy claims money from the system he claims to loathe. Classé...

Like the plain-speakin' man of principle he hilariously claims to be, McA-hole recently spoke out against that third rail issue of Social Security. For him, the system is "a disgrace."

Even if you disagree entirely with his [bone-headed, ill-informed and stupendously selfish] assertions, it's still somehow refreshing to see a pol say "screw it, I'm speaking my mind and damn the consequences." Or, at least, it would be...

Lest the seeds of respect for the old c**t take grudging root in your mind, let's also consider that Grandpa McCain last year cashed $23,157 in Social Security benefits. He's been claiming ever since turning 65 and is currently banking an extra $1,930 a month geezer money courtesy of the 'disgraceful' system.

In 2006, McCain's wife Cindy earned $6 million, and has a net worth of approximately $100 million. Yet the old leech continues to suck up that sweet, taxpayer cash like a welfare mom on crack.

It might be news to John McCain, but the Social Security Administration do say individuals can refuse retirement benefits if they're rich as f*** and don't need the money, or they plain don't like the system. Just a thought. (Link to this)

JESSE JACKSON: CONFUSING WHITE FOLKS SINCE 1965

July 19, 2008

Black avenger Jesse Jackson might seem to be accelerating his own descent into irrelevance by saying nasty stuff about America's favorite black man. But don't be so sure...

Like many, Fried Wire is inclined to believe Jackson has not survived so long on the front line of America's racial cold war by being a 'tard. His recent 'nut removing' comments could more likely be seen as public display of faux anti-Obama-ism for the sake of those white votes that would otherwise be unforthcoming for a guy Jackson backs. At least that's my favorite theory.

And Jackson continues to confuse the wingnuts after saying, as part of his recent hot mic diatribe, that Obama was "talking down to niggers." What is a white wingnut supposed to make of that when filtered through the unnuanced prism of their simplistic world view? One Media Bistro commenter says:

"Whats the big deal. Calling people nigger is what racists do. And Jesse is the biggest rasist in the country. Thats how he makes a living."

Err... totally nailed it. Jesse Jackson, that tireless civil rights activist of 43 years standing, actually hates black people. The "I Hate Obama" ruse seems to be working better than he could have hoped. (Link to this)

USING THE TERM LOOSELY...

July 18, 2008

Michigan Attorney General Mike Cox announced today the arrest of Daniel Allen Everett, whose shirt proclaims him as the "World's Greatest Dad", for using the Internet to arrange a meeting for sex with a minor. The World's Greatest Dad judging committee has convened an emergency meeting. (Link to this)

ROTTEN APPLES FOR APPLES

July 17, 2008

Another week, another salvo of attacks on Obama and McA-hole as the race for the White House drags grimly on... But are we talking apples for apples? Hardly.

It would be unfairly sweeping to accuse the (non-Fox) media of being anti-Obama and pro-McA-hole. But it is true that the latter's logic-defying viability must exist largely because of the MSM tendency to inflate Obama-damaging fictions while gently letting the air out of the very real sh** that threatens him. This could be described as 'leveling the playing field' or some other metaphor that smacks of fairness. But, when applied to such a grotesquely unlevel playing field as Obama v. McCain, it is a perversion of reality and far from fair.

The (non-Fox) media don't necessarily want McA-hole to win. But they are very much invested in the race being interesting. After all, who'd bother to switch on the news for the next few months if the election was considered all sewn up with an Obama landslide scheduled for November? Nope, they've gotta keep selling those boner pills, sleep aids and reverse mortgages... so they keep the viewing figures up by pretending the race is close and exciting and, in turn, they create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The strategy of giving equal credence to attacks on both candidates would seem fair at a glance. But the attacks on Obama (e.g., the stupid New Yorker cover or the "Don't Vote For A Democrat" billboard) are without even the shallowest toehold in reality while the stuff that hurts McA-hole is real and comes out of his own f***ing mouth. So for the MSM to mush together anti-Obama fantasy with anti-McA-hole reality serves only to help McA-hole.

"McCain Would Be A Third Bush Term" is real (just ask his own surrogates) but if you discuss it within the same time bubble as "Obama Is A Terrorist", you neutralize the accusation through association with the absurd. And just how the hell could a viewer and potential voter be expected to store "John McCain Hates Social Security" in one tiny brain when the far more exotic and scary "Barack Obama Is A Muslim Terrorist" meme is also looking for a home?

It's a neat trick that I'm sure John McCain (and those peddlers of boner pills, sleep aids and reverse mortgages) are all very aware of and grateful for. (Link to this)

CLASSIC BUSH

July 14, 2008

Marketers know the problem. There's a new, better product on the market. How do you make your old, redundant version sellable? Easy. Slap on the 'Classic' prefix. Are you ready for 'Classic Bush'?

Throughout the campaign, McA-hole's had difficulties persuading anyone (except the ever indulgent media sycophants) that he represents anything other than a third Bush term. So you'd think his surrogates would be well practiced when it came to heading off the accusation right? Nope. Maybe they should just admit defeat, stop denying it and just go with 'Classic Bush'.

In May, Roy Blunt, the second highest-ranking Republican in the House, agreed with Wolf Blitzer that McA-hole "would be in effect a third Bush term when it came to pro-growth tax policies."

Even Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) - the guy who the Carpetbagger report calls "McCain’s most sycophantic toady" - answered "absolutely" when asked "whether McCain’s tax and health care policies were not only an extension of Bush’s policies, but also an "enhancement".

Now South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, widely considered a Veep possibility for Classic Bush, says "I'm drawing a blank, and I hate it when I do that, particularly on television" when asked by Blitzer "Are there any significant economic differences between what the Bush administration has put forward, over these many years, as opposed to, now, what John McCain supports?"

For McA-hole, this is like Obama supporters having no answer when asked if he's a cracker-hatin' Muslim. Except the Classic bush trap must be undeniably true if even the most gymnastic minds in the GOP lie machine can't talk their way out of it. (Link to this)

GOD HELP US

July 12, 2008

McA-hole only behind by three points? WTF???

A new Newsweek survey of 1,209 registered voters, said to have a margin of error of +/- 3 percentage points, gives Barack Obama only a three point lead on McA-hole.

At this point, it simply boggles the mind that the clueless old fart is doing so well. Voting for John McCain would be like bending down in front of an exploding dildo factory. Why are we as voters so hopelessly determined to do the worst for ourselves? (Link to this)

DOUCHE WATCH: WHO'S McA-HOLE OFFENDING THIS WEEK?

July 11, 2008

God help us...

1. Iranians
When asked about increasing US exports - including cigarettes - to Iran: "Maybe that's a way of killing them." Cancer humor eh? To paraphrase Larry The Cable Guy, I don't care who you are, that's not funny right there.

2. Old people
When asked about Social Security: "I think it's terrible to ask people to pay in to a system that they won't receive benefits from." Is he suggesting instead that old people who didn't have the foresight to dump their wives and marry into money like he did should be left to starve?

3. Veterans
McCain told a Vietnam veteran who questioned his voting record on veterans' issues that "I've been endorsed in every election by all of the veterans' organizations that do that. I've been supported by them and received the highest awards from all of those organizations."

In fact the Disabled Veterans of American gave McCain a 20 out of 100. The Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans Association gave him a "D." The Vietnam Veterans of America show that McCain voted with them 9 times and against them 15 times since 2001 and has missed 8 votes on legislation they consider important.

4. Everybody else
And let's not forget Phil Gramm - top economic advisor to McA-hole and all-round asshole - trying to convince everybody that the recession is a figment of our imagination and that America has just "become a nation of whiners." Nice.

No, Gramm, we are not a nation of whiners. We're a nation of f***ing idiots. That's why your über-shite candidate actually has a shot at winning. (Link to this)

DICK OF THE FREE WORLD

July 11, 2008

Bush offends world with pollution 'wise crack' and insults ally. Just another work day for the Dick of the Free World...

Not sure what's happening, but it looks suspiciously like Bush just wiped a booger on Prime Minister of Japan Yasuo Fukuda. Man, that guy just can't help innapropriately touching other world leaders... [1] [2]

After nearly 8 years as dick of the free world, there's not much time for Durr Feuhrer left. But there seems little danger his standards will accidentally rise or his dumbassery diminish as his mind wanders into Friday afternoon mode.

At a G8 Summit meeting about global warming this week, our pinhead prez thought it somehow appropriate to wrap up with the words "Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter" while punching the air and grinning. Other world leaders (you know, the ones who aren't mental midgets trapped in a permanent frat mentality) looked on in surprise that the 'world's biggest polluter' would have the balls to actually joke about it.

Bush also drew criticism after a White House press pack distributed among journalists covering the summit referred to Italian Prime Minister Berlusconi as one of the most "most controversial leaders in the history of a country known for government corruption and vice."

The White House apologized for what it called "sloppy work" and said an official had simply lifted the characterization from the internet without reading it. (Link to this)

CRACK ONE OFF ON GEORGE

July 9, 2008

"Getting more people to buy porn was probably the last thing Bush had on his mind when he came up with his stimulus package. But we'll take it."
Jillian Fox, LSGmodels.com, porn spokeswoman

The Adult Internet Market Research Company (AIMRCo) identified an "uncharacteristic" increase in spending on online pornography (a pornsplosion?) since Bush's economic stimulus cheques were sent out.

"Typically the summer is a slow period for this market. But many of the sites we surveyed have reported 20 to 30 per cent growth in membership rates since mid-May when the cheques were sent out." Said Kirk Mishkin, head research consultant at AIMRCo.

So just to recap... Bush spent $146 billion on the economic stimulus package which has gone, in large part, towards encouraging America to masturbate more. At least it seems positively thrifty compared to blowing $3 Trillion on a failed war in Iraq that doesn't even give anyone a boner. Except Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. (Link to this)

IF IT'S STUPID, IT HAPPENED IN FLORIDA #3,967

July 8, 2008

Wingnut/NRA feeding frenzy over Disney World gun ban.

So the lawmakers of Florida are in uproar after the Disney Corporation announced it plans to ignore Florida's insane new law allowing Floridians to take guns to work. "You've got to be kidding me," said state Sen. Durell Peaden, one of the authors of the bill that went into effect last week. Excuse me, Mr. Peaden, You've gotta be kidding me???

Naturally, the tiny-dicked sociopaths of the NRA are also outraged that armed minimum-wage employees and kids will not be rubbing shoulders in triple-digit heat at Disney World. The organization issued a statement accusing Disney of being a "prime offender when it comes to firing employees for exercising Second Amendment rights."

Really? If any of this makes sense to you, please email me and explain.

Why does the NRA think Second Amendment rights should always trump the Constitution itself? You know, all that Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness (without getting shot...). And why should the Second Amendment trump the right of owners to decide what is and what is allowable on their property? Doesn't that smack of the kind of 'big government' despotism the gun nuts claim to hate?

Perhaps our pols will grow balls one day and stop pandering to the camouflage-clad voting block. But it seems unlikely given that gun victims and those in favor of restricting gun ownership to the sane aren't nearly as powerful a lobby as the NRA. Maybe it's because they aren't armed? (Link to this)

LITTLE BLACK LIES

July 8, 2008

National Black Republican Association claims MLK as a Republican. Just another road trip on the Disinformation Superhighway.

How can anybody reasonably be expected to argue politely and logically with Republicans when all they ever seem to do is lie their asses off? Now the National Black Republican Association have bought up billboards in Florida (home of the 2000 black voter purge) proclaiming "Martin Luther King Jr. Was A Republican." F***ing idiots.

Rev. Joseph Lowery co-founded the Southern Christian Leadership Conference with King and knew him well, said, rather obviously, that there is no reason why anyone would think MLK was a Republican. He most certainly voted for JFK, said Lowery, and the only time he openly talked about politics was when he criticized Barry Goldwater during the 1964 presidential campaign. "It's purely propaganda and poppycock," he said. "Even if he was, he would have nothing to do with what the Republican Party stands for today. Do they think Martin would support George W. Bush and the war in Iraq?"

But the NBRA, untroubled by considerations such as truth and ethical standards, is pushing ahead with radio ads, a mail campaign, T-shirts and buttons with the same bullshit message.

And there's more... On their Web site, the NBRA uses dumb 2+2=5 logic to wrongly portray almost every black figure of historical or political importance as Republicans just because they weren't Democrats. Only in the polarized world of a wingnut propagandist would not being a Democrat automatically make you a Republican.

Prior to the civil rights act, not many black people were too fond of the pro-slavery, pro-lynching, segregationist Democratic Party. But does that mean they were all card-carrying Republicans instead? Err... nope.

Along side MLK, Frederick Douglass is also touted as a Republican when he actually ran for office as a member of The Equal Rights Party (a.k.a. The People's Party, the Cosmo-Political Party and the National Radical Reformers). And even Mary McLeod Bethune who "worked for the election of Franklin D. Roosevelt in 1932, and became a member of Roosevelt's Black Cabinet" is also ridiculously slapped with a Republican tag by the NBRA.

Anyone with time to spare might enjoy checking the NBRA's list of black Republicans too and pick their favorite little black lie. (Link to this)

McA-HOLE'S GAY VEEP?

July 7, 2008

Charlie Crist grows beard as media rates McA-hole/Crist a fave ticket.

Florida governor Charlie Crist has announced plans to get wed. Could there be any ulterior motive for the timing of his announcement? Fox News itself seems to answer that question by reminding us that Crist "has been mentioned as a potential running mate for Republican presidential candidate John McCain." But The Broward Palm Beach Times provides a convincing back story:

"The story goes that the Florida governor frequented the Green Iguana, a bar in Tampa, back in the early 1990s when he was just starting his political career. He was less careful back then, people say, and during his partying at the Green Iguana, he was openly gay. When I got Rick Calderoni, the bar's well-known owner, on the phone, I expected him to stonewall me about it. He didn't.

Calderoni, who is gay, confirmed that Crist came into his bar quite often and that the two of them became friends. Getting to the point, I asked him if he knew Crist to be gay. "Yes," he answered bluntly. "I just wish he would come out and admit it. That would be a great thing if he did."

So it's the political equivalent of a shotgun marriage. Has Crist been forced (or forced himself) into wedlock lest, as veep, he blows it for ol' man McA-hole by being exposed as a butt jockey? Another fascinating example of how the GOP is always obliged to spend more time and energy appeasing their own base than fighting 'the enemy' or tackling real issues.

That good ol' conservative hypocrisy. Gotta love it... in a deeply heterosexual way of course. (Link to this)

LIES, DAMNED LIES AND REPUBLICAN "TRUTH"

July 3, 2008

The cancer in the colon of news trail-blazes new lows for the media and for human intelligence. Yet again.

This is what Fox News does to your photo if you say mean things about their tanking ratings. And just look what they do to poor Alan Colmes.

You can't even find Fox News under a rock anymore. You need a back hoe to reach the underground rat's nest of lies "the most powerful name in news" now calls home.

First they're busted for airing childishly retouched photographs of NYT reporter Jacques Steinberg and television editor Steven Reddicliffe because they don't like them. Both were doctored with yellow teeth, dark eye bags and weird physiognomic distortions. There had also been a clumsy attempt to "negro-ize" Steinberg by adding a cartoonishly wide nose. Why? Because the Fox f***wits objected to them doing a story on the channel's dismal ratings.

A New York Times editor said Wednesday that the graphic was "beneath comment." Of course, nothing much is beneath comment for Fried Wire. So f***ing stupid tw*ts I say.

Fox is also pushing the ridiculous notion that yesterday's release of US hostages in Colombia was somehow connected with McA-hole's visit. Yes, Fox chimps, of course it was. I'm sure Top Gum swooped down there and single handedly freed everybody while the awe-struck Colombians just stood by in awe.

This preposterous garbage goes so far beyond stupid that Fried Wire, like said NYT editor, can't even find the words. Maybe it's Fox's strategy... To lie so appallingly and so crassly that no-one has the stomach to even take issue with their bullshit anymore.

And if stupidity isn't enough, there's irony too. Fox might want to paint McA-hole like Jack Bauer, but he's far from a liberator of captive Americans held on foreign soil. He ought really to be remembered as one of the assholes who's spent decades blocking legislative attempts to help Vietnam POW/MIAs and their families. He's even accused of assaulting a wheelchair-bound POW/MIA family member in 1996 when a group came to ask him to stop crafting amendments that hindered attempts to locate and rescue surviving US POWs. Five ethics complaints were filed with the Senate Ethics Committee by five eyewitnesses in connection with the assault.

Carol Hrdlicka, wife of captive air force pilot Col. David Hrdlicka, said "He went from a smiling, congenial, happy face to a beet red, totally enraged face in an instant. I have never seen a senator act in this way. We were all dumbfounded how this happened. He threw his arm up, and she goes flying and Jane [who was in a wheelchair] gets pushed aside as he brushes by her. All I see is people flying and I'm behind him [McCain]... This was assault."

While the wingnut propagandists might liken McA-hole's fantasy freeing of the Colombian hostages to Reagan's fantasy freeing of the Iranian hostages back in 1980, it might be worth remembering that Reagan "played no role whatsoever in ensuring the release of the Iranian embassy hostages." Wouldn't Republican truth spinners be better off equating new lies with stuff that isn't actually a lie to begin with? Or have we gone so far along the Orwellian disinformation superhighway that they can get away with this?

Man, these f***s wouldn't recognize the truth if it stumbled up to them in a back alley offering oral for $10. Have they ever accomplished anything other than the outrageous theft of other people's thunder? They claim the freeing of the Iranian hostages when it was down to Jimmy Carter. They claim the "winning" of the Cold War when the end of communism was down to the everyday heroism of millions of Eastern Bloc dissenters who slowly brought the system to a grinding halt. And now they claim the Colombian hostages? Nothing to do with that seven year operation by the Colombian government then? It's all thanks to one flying visit by a geriatric American with anger issues?

No wonder so many of these bogus glory hogs can't wait for armageddon and the final war between good and evil. They can't wait to claim they won that too when it's all over. (Link to this)

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