HMM...
SEX OFFENDER YOU ARE May 19, 2005 (ESCONDIDO, California)
Registered
sex offender James Andrew Crawford, 35, was arrested in
May in Perris, Calif., after having camped for two weeks
in a theater line that was waiting for "Star Wars:
Episode III" to open. According to a Riverside County
deputy sheriff, Crawford was in violation of a state law
that requires sex offenders to notify the government if
they adopt a new "domicile" for more than five
days. (msnbc.com)
COCKFIGHTING
NO, WIFE BEATING YES March 14, 2005 (COLUMBIA, South Carolina)
The
South Carolina House's Judiciary Committee, voting in mid-April
on two bills to upgrade the crimes of, respectively, gamecock
fighting and spousal abuse, from misdemeanors to felonies,
passed the former but tabled the latter for the remainder
of 2005. (wistv.com)
JEFF
GANNON, HOMO-CON, ADMITS PAST 'MISTAKES.' February
19, 2005 (WASHINGTON, DC)
Jeff
Gannon, the former White House reporter whose
naked pictures have appeared on a number of gay
escort sites, says that he has "regrets" about
his past but that White House officials knew
nothing about his salacious activities. "I've
made mistakes in my past," he said yesterday. "Does
my past mean I can't have a future? Does it disqualify
me from being a journalist?"
Gannon chastised his critics, breaking a silence that began last week
when liberal bloggers disclosed his real name, James Dale Guckert,
and a Web page, which he paid for, featuring X rated photos of himself. "Why
would they be looking into a person's sexual history? Is that what
we're going to do to reporters now? Is there some kind of litmus test
for reporters? Is it right to hold someone's sexuality against them?"
As for his critics, Gannon said: "People have said some of my
writing expressed a hostile point of view" toward gays. "These
people are willing to abandon their principles on the basis of trying
to make me out to be a hypocrite. These are the same groups that cherish
free speech and privacy." (Washington Post)
OK, I've read stuff that made me seethe with anger before but... I
shall try to compose myself. 1-2-3-4-5... Deep breath... This cynical
shit actually has the fucking brass balls to try and turn PC-ness back
on his detractors?! I wonder if Jeff's ever heard of Ernst
Röhm? Hmm....
My favorite reference so far was on Bill Maher's 'Real Time' tonight.
Maher was discussing the Gannon thing with Lesley Stahl, CBS's 60 Minutes
Correspondent, who wasn't exactly champing at the bit to discuss government
connections with gay prostitution. But she did (sneaky inference or
Freudian slip?) say: "There's something behind this that hasn't
come out yet." Yup. That'd be Karl. He's one of them mean queen's
you know...
One
is Heinrich Himmler, one is Karl Rove. Spot the
difference and win a night out with a hunky male
prostitute...
THE
WHIZZINATOR February
15, 2005 (LOS ANGELES, California)
Actor
Tom Sizemore has been jailed for violating his probation
by failing a drug test after he was caught trying to use
a prosthetic penis to fake the results, a Los Angeles County
prosecutor said on Friday. The 43 year old actor is required
to undergo random drug tests as a condition of probation
for his convictions on separate charges of methamphetamine
possession and beating his ex-girlfriend, former Hollywood
madam Heidi Fleiss. (Associated Press)
BUSH
INSPIRES SURREAL PROTEST February
13, 2005 (BERLIN, Germany)
German
police are still hunting for a gang who have
been sticking tiny American flags in dog excrement. Officers
say they are baffled by the bizarre behavior -
which does not break any laws. Cops had initially thought
the jokers were protesting about the war in Iraq, but the
pranks continued throughout George W Bush's re-election
leaving detectives without a clear motive. Police spokesperson
Reiner Kuechler said: "We have sent out extra patrols
to try to catch whoever is doing this in the act. But frankly,
we don't know what we would do if we caught them red-handed." Park
boss Josef Oettl added: "This has been going on for
about a year now, and there must be 2000 to 3000 piles
of excrement that have been claimed during that time." (Associated
Press)
HERE'S
HOWIE! AWWWAAUUUURRRRGHHH!!! February
11, 2005 (WASHINGTON, DC)
Democratic
Party activists, recovering from a stinging November
election loss and a fresh round of soul-searching,
rallied around Howard Dean* on Friday and promised
a grass-roots drive to make the party competitive in
the South, Midwest and Mountain states. With the election
of the former Vermont governor as chairman set for
Saturday, Democrats put aside lingering doubts about
the party's future and opened a two-day party meeting
with promises to keep the heat on Bush. (Reuters)
*Perhaps shrewdly so as he seems to be the only leading Dem who doesn't
actually like Bush. Click picture for a reminder of how Dean blew his 2004
candidacy in fifteen seconds flat.
NO
SHIT, SHERLOCKS... February
11, 2005 (WASHINGTON, DC)
The
public's confidence in President Bush's job performance
and the nation's direction has slipped in the opening weeks
of his second term, particularly among people 50 and older,
according to an Associated Press poll. Adults were evenly
divided on Bush's job performance in January, but now 54
percent disapprove and 45 percent approve. The number who
think the country is headed down the wrong track increased
from 51 percent to 58 percent* in the past month. (Associated
Press)
*So let's just back up there a second: 58% think Bush is taking the country "down
the wrong track," but only 54% actually think that's a bad thing?
AT
LAST, THE DEMS TACKLE THE REAL ISSUES February
9, 2005 (WASHINGTON, DC)
House
Bill 1981 would fine males and females for intentionally
wearing pants below the waistline, exposing underwear "intended
to cover a person's intimate parts, in a lewd or indecent
manner." The bill, sponsored by Del. Algie Howell
Jr., D Norfolk targets popular hip-hop-influenced styles
that many youths and adults of all races sport these days.
It might snatch plumbers and carpenters, too, who have
been known to show some bloomers and even butt cleavage.
(Daily Press)
ALL
TOGETHER NOW: 'A' IS FOR... February
7, 2005 (TALLAHASSEE, Florida)
The
shadowy contest among Republicans looking to succeed
Jeb Bush burst briefly into the light this week.
Winning Bush's blessing is seen by most political
observers as a coup for anyone looking to follow
the two-term governor. CFO Tom Gallagher and Attorney
General Charlie Crist, both Republicans, have been
laying the groundwork for months as they prepare
to launch campaigns for governor. (Orlando Sentinel)
They got one called Crist? Now they need a Democrat called Stan to
run, and we're just two letters away from Armageddon. Yee-haw!
THE
LIGHTER SIDE OF SLAUGHTER February
2, 2005 (NEW YORK, NY)
"It's
fun to shoot some people." Said the Marine Corps Lt.
Gen. James Mattis while speaking at a forum in San Diego.
His comments though appeared funny to some at the forum,
have led to annoyance of many including his higher officials.
Mattis was trying to portray the grim picture of war. The
whole process of combating somehow appeared amusing to
him when he said at a panel discussion hosted by the Armed
Forces Communications and Electronics Association that, "Actually,
it's a lot of fun to fight. You know, it's a hell of a
hoot...It's fun to shoot some people. I'll be right upfront
with you, I like brawling." (New York Times)
HOLD
ON - I'M COMING... January
27, 2005 (NEW YORK, New York)
Porn
star Jenna Jameson is now hawking her "moan tones." For
$2.50 fans of the ubiquitous porno queen can choose from
a variety of moans, grunts and lurid sexual noises all
recorded by the blond bombshell. If that's not enough,
Jameson will talk dirty to you when you phones rings, in
English or Spanish. (Reuters)
I prefer my ring tone of Dick Cheney's orgasmic grunts as he wacks off over
a giant stack of cash - it's edgier...
DRUNK
CRAZY BASTARD (OUCH...) January
26, 2005 (PERTH, Australia)
A
21-year-old man was hospitalized in intensive care following
a barroom stunt in which he put on a helmet connected to
a beer jug, with a hose that ran between the jug and a
pump powered by an electric drill. The idea was to facilitate
drinking a large quantity of beer without the laborious
tasks of lifting a glass and swallowing, but the flow was
so powerful that he had to be rushed to the hospital with
a 10-centimeter tear in his stomach. (Salt Lake Tribune)
EVEN
THE SCOUTS ARE CROOKED IN JEEZUZ LAND January
26, 2005 (HUNTSVILLE, Alabama)
FBI investigating fake rosters at Boy Scouts
The
FBI is investigating whether the Greater Alabama Boy Scout
Council is listing fake names to boost enrollment, possibly
to attract more United Way funding or make recruiters look
better, scout officials said. Alabama scout volunteer Tom
Willis said 20 kids listed for a program had the same last
name: Doe. A probe is under way in Atlanta, and in Texas
a scout group was forced to remove thousands of names.
(www.newsday.com)
WHEN
METEOROLOGISTS GO BAD January
17, 2005 (LAS VEGAS, Nevada)
A
weekend television weatherman was fired after he made an
on-air racial slur about Martin Luther King Jr., station
officials said. Rob Blair of KTNV-TV was delivering the
extended forecast Saturday morning when he said: "For
tomorrow, 60 degrees, Martin Luther Coon King Jr. Day,
gonna see some temperatures in the mid-60s." Jim Prather,
vice president and general manager of the ABC affiliate,
said Blair stumbled but the excuse was not enough to save
his job." (Associated Press)
Errant weathermen are something of a new trend — Click
here for the infamous Fox Tourettes weatherman
'NO
CHILD LEFT BEHIND' PIMP A GIANT HYPOCRITE? January
14, 2005 (MEMPHIS, Tennessee)
The
revelation last week that conservative "journalist" Armstrong
Williams was paid $240,000 of our tax dollars to surreptitiously
tout administration education policies was troubling in
several regards. First, the public's already skeptical
attitude toward the media got another boost. "How
many more journalists are on the take?" they might
justifiably ask.
But even if the Williams case is an isolated one, emerging details about the
pundit's life will inevitably lead to even more cynicism about our media "elite." Williams,
a noted opponent of gay marriage and the man who got Trent Lott to compare
homosexuality to "kleptomania" and other mental diseases, has in
fact been sued for sexual harassment by a former male employee who accused
him of more than 50 advances. (The
Memphis Flyer)
BE
GLAD YOU WEREN'T ON HIS HIGH SCHOOL
FOOTBALL TEAM January
10, 2005 (FORT HOOD, Texas)
Accused ringleader of prisoner abuse scandal goes
on trial in Texas
The
alleged ringleader of the Abu Ghraib prison scandal went
on trial Monday with witnesses telling a military court
they watched him punch an Iraqi inmate in the face and
saw him laugh while forcing prisoners to pose naked. Spc.
Charles Graner Jr. was the first soldier accused in the
scandal to go on trial. Defense lawyer Guy Womack said
Graner and his comrades were rewarded when they softened
up detainees. Womack played down the photographs that showed
naked prisoners stacked in pyramids. "Don't cheerleaders
all over America make pyramids everyday?" he said. "It's
not torture." (Associated Press)
SOMETHING
ON TV MORE REPELLENT THAN BILL O'REILLY? January
6, 2005 (LOS ANGELES, California)
NBC's 'Fear Factor' Sued for Rat-Eating Episode
Watching
contestants eat dead rats on NBC's gross-out stunt show "Fear
Factor" so disgusted a Cleveland man that he has sued
NBC for $2.5 million, saying he could not stomach what
he saw. In a handwritten four-page lawsuit filed in federal
court in Cleveland on Tuesday, paralegal Austin Aitken
said, "To have the individuals on the show eat and
drink dead rats was crazy and from a viewer's point of
view made me throw-up." (Reuters)
(Personally, I feel the urge to purge watching Bill O'Reilly on TV. Could I
sue Fox News for damages? I would find on-screen rat eating a balm for the
senses in comparison to thirty minutes of that sweaty, fascistic gobshite (definition).
