In no small part thanks to ex-Senator Bill Frist playing interference on behalf of his buddies in the pharm mafia, the supposed link between Thimerosal and autism has been widely discredited over the past few years.

So it's intriguing to see the US government quietly concede a vaccine-autism case in the Court of Federal Claims. With 4,900 other cases pending, this test case does not bode well for the pharmaceutical industry or the prevailing view that pumping kids full of mercury is a harmless practice.

Ironically, a panel of federal vaccine advisers chose this week to push compulsory flu shots for all U.S. children aged from six months up to 18. On to the next public health crisis... (Link to this)

McBush too foreign to be Prez?

Say those worthy McBush tormenters at the NYT:

"Mr. McCain’s likely nomination as the Republican candidate for president and the happenstance of his birth in the Panama Canal Zone in 1936 are reviving a musty debate that has surfaced periodically since the founders first set quill to parchment and declared that only a "natural-born citizen" can hold the nation's highest office."

Any loopholes must be explored to avert this impending disaster. (Link to this)

Conservative radio host and all-round dick Bill Cunningham got slapped down by McBush and has flipped to Hillary. Cunningham experiences the sting of betrayal, Fried Wire experiences the pain of having to say something nice about John McCain.

We're at one of McBush's mini Nuremburgs in Ohio. Bill Cunningham got the gig as warm-up man for the Jurassic-era Senator from Arizona... a little splash of beige to liven things up.

In order to whip the crowd into the state of excitement deemed medically necessary to preserve vital signs for the duration of a McBush speech, Cunningham opts for some crowd-pleasing Obama smack talk as his leitmotif. Anti-Muslim rhetoric and thinly-veiled racism always work like a charm for GOP candidates when there are still enough dim-witted assholes around to give legs to the meme that Obama's a terr'ist stooge hell-bent on establishing the occidental outpost of the world-wide caliphate in Washington. Right? Apparently not always.

Says Mother Jones: "The nutjobbery was bad enough that McCain immediately approached reporters after the event and denounced Cunningham's comments." Good call, Douchebag.

So what was Cunningham's mature and reasoned response to being publicly chastised by his candidate? Said Cunningham "He just threw me under the bus for the national media. I have had it... I'm going to endorse Hillary Clinton." Ai caramba! Talk about a long jump between ships.

Although I've made several ungentlemanly snipes about Clinton being merely a penisless Bush, I thought I was just overstating the similarities between the dynastic strands of the two parties for dramatic effect. But, if it is possible to instantly switch from McBush to Clinton, their differences must be frighteningly tiny. Either that, or Bill Cunningham's brain is. (Link to this)

George W. Bush Library at the Southern Methodist University... WTF?!

"Bust? Sounds like titties... heh heh heh."

When The Southern Methodist University announced plans to house the George W. Bush Library on George Washington's birthday, many people around the country must've gone "wha?!"

Was it sarcasm or coincidence that they chose Washington's birthday to give us the heads-up? Was the decision to dedicate a library to Durr Fuehrer sarcasm in itself? And could an unread bible autographed by Billy Graham, a 1972 El Camino owner's manual and complete edition of dog-eared vintage Hustlers constitute a library to begin with?

What the hell next? The Jeffrey Dahmer Memorial School of Neurosurgery? The Stephen Hawking Jazz-ercise Academy? The Charlie Manson Yoga and Meditation Retreat? Ingmar Bergman Land at Disney World? Why are SMU so determined to make America look even more ridiculous to the whole world?

But I'll leave the most poignant comment to a disgruntled Methodist with the added axe to grind that it's her church offering a home to this academic freak show and monument to inadequacy:

Let's just add "a man who by his every action demonstrates his ideological opposition to the concept of learning" to that grievance list and I think we nailed it. What a glowing tribute to the worst president in the history of democracy and the American electorate's 8-year blond moment. (Link to this)

America's most high-profile domestic terrorist advises Clinton to ramp up the fear in order to boost her flagging campaign.

Kristol gets pied [Related: DEAD CONSERVATIVES SOCIETY.]

On Fox News Sunday the Neocon Tokyo Rose was asked how Clinton could get a jump on Obama. While sporting his trademark supercilious leer, Kristol answered "I recommend to Senator Clinton the politics of fear." Sweet Jesus, I fucking hate this prick and everything (or, more accurately, the one thing) he stands for. How does he get away with this shit..?

Later, while still fantasizing about Kristol's slow and agonizing demise courtesy of an anally-inserted length of white-hot rebar, I chanced upon this catchy headline: "Obesity More Dangerous Than Terrorism." If you really do worry 'bout them terr'ists, I guess this is what you could call perspective. But it gets better...

According to Gregory Baer's book 'Life: The Odds', the chances of getting to date a supermodel are actually more favorable than the chances of being killed by said terr'ists. Even in the worst-case scenario of one 9-11 scale atrocity occurring every single year, your chance of dying would only be about one in 100,000. But the chances of getting it on with a supermodel? Nearly 20% more favorable at one in 88,000.

This begs my open question to Bill Kristol: Why can't you spread paranoia about the imminent danger of getting banged by Claudia Schiffer or Christy Turlington instead of all that tired, buzzkill crap about terr'ists? That way, you might actually make the country you grotesquely and laughably profess to love a better place.

Think how much chipper life would be if our nagging worries centered around the possibilities of getting blown by supermodels instead of being blown up by al Qaeda. And think how much better equipped we would all be to make rational decisions about who gets to run the country if we were mildly horny at all times instead of just soul-deadingly, brain-numbingly paranoid.

Given Kristol's advice to Clinton, I can't help wondering how well he fits the logical definition of a 'traitor'. What else could you call someone so dedicated to undermining the morale, well-being and national security of his own country?

So how come this prick still manages to slither under the patriotism radar and escape denunciation by the same people for whom Obama's failure to wear a flag button was tantamount to a confession of treason? Terrorist or a patriot: I guess it must be a left-brain-liberal/no-brain-wingnut perception thing. (Link to this)

It's that time again...

It's hard not to be frustrated when Ralph Nader pops up again to take another giant, eco-friendly dump on our dreams of change.

With heart-sinking predictability, the Green Tor-Nader joins the fray in his familiar role as the one-man spoiler.

"I think it always would probably pull votes away from the Democrats and not the Republicans, so naturally, Republicans would welcome his entry into the race." Said Huckabee. Clinton said Nader "prevented Al Gore from being the 'greenest' president we could have had." Partially true. But, in the spiritual homeland of phony moral outrage, Ralph had nothing on her hubby's erection for helping Bush's election.

And, as Nader himself says, if the Dems can't landslide this election, they may as well just pack up and go home. After 8 years of Bush, the war in Iraq and our economy bobbing in the toilet, the Dems should already have this one in the bag. If Nader is able to nibble enough Green votes to keep Republicans in the White House then fuck 'em. And if they can't beat Sleazeball McBush, with or without Nader's interference, double fuck 'em.

While McCain continues to fend off criticism about his two-faced dealings with lobbyists, Friday saw Rep. Rick Renzi, his leadership team's Arizona co-chair, indicted on charges of conspiracy, wire fraud, money laundering, extortion and insurance fraud. Renzi, who McBush "campaigned heartily for" is also featured on beyonddelay.org's 22 Most Corrupt Members of Congress dishonor roll.

It is, as they say, Obama's election to lose. Not Nader's. (Link to this)

Obama smears in top gear. You couldn't make this up... actually they did.

Meet Barack Obama's extramarital love interest. I guess John McCain wins that contest hands down if you believe wizbangblue.com...

Do you believe Barack Obama smokes crack? Do you believe he had 'homo sex' with a Larry The Cable Guy lookalike in the back of a limo? Do you believe he's seeking to take over the World Bank in order to legalize reefer? Do you believe Obama supporters are issuing death threats to critics? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might just be the kind of clueless fuckwit wizbangblue.com - the Hillary-supporting 'tard convention on the Web - is aimed at.

Wizbangblue's Lee Ward must be the most gullible, mouse-toting moron on the Web - or the most cynical and desperate. Perhaps I should send him my video confession about going down on Hillary in the back of a 1972 AMC Gremlin and contracting kennel cough. Hey, I'll even take a polygraph just like that Larry The Cable Guy guy!

Please Hillary: I still like you (more than John McCain) and think you'd make a great president (better than Kim Jong-il or Dennis Rodman). Can't you stop your idiot supporters making you look bad? (Link to this)

McCain framing the debate.

Ol' Douchebag found favor with many liberals for his supposedly civilized stance on torture (i.e., that we shouldn't do it). As the LA Times said "One of John McCain's most admirable traits has been his eloquent opposition to the use of torture against suspected terrorists."

Not sure we need to break out the plurals when discussing McCain's 'admirable traits' but I take the point... But now he's shilling for the torture-mongers by urging a presidential veto on a measure that would bar the CIA from using waterboarding and other harsh interrogation methods on terror suspects.

If you were a presidential candidate trying to paint yourself as a non-flip-flopper, would this seem like a good idea? Would further identifying yourself with a president who's approval has now dipped below 20% be a good idea either?

Yes. Because it's all about 'framing the debate.' It's what Republicans do well and Democrats have been notoriously shitty at. Don't let people dwell on issues that are tricky for you, don't play the game you'll lose... just pick up the ball and start a new one. Better for McCain to start an argument about torture than let the media carry on riffing about his Guiliani-like capacity for sleaze and his affection for lobbyists (whether Platonic or not). (Link to this)

Sleazeballs in defense of a Douchebag...

Brent Bozell on the NYT McCain story:

Well ain't that just fine and dandy coming from the lying ginger-beard behind the profoundly propagandist Media Research Center? I guess he's easily placed to spot anything 'sliding into the journalistic toilet' from his vantage point beyond the u-bend.

Bozell's fake outrage (in no way politically motivated in itself) might be more convincing if he wasn't also the author of "Whitewash: What the Media Won't Tell You About Hillary Clinton, but Conservatives Will." This compendium of re-hashed distortions and childish smears appeared just in time for the primaries. Example distortion/lie from it's circle-jerkular promo copy:

The original quote by Margaret Carlson at Time Magazine was, in reality, a gently sarcastic dig at Clinton that said:

Could having a liar like Bozell come out in his defense be the biggest indicator yet that McCain did screw Vicki Iseman? (Link to this)

John McCain and why he must be hated more...

Hand movement and facial expression might suggest John McCain is laying knuckle babies on the flag... Would this constitute desecration or a higher form of patriotism?

I don't really care whether McCain got to screw a lobbyist, I just care that he doesn't get to do the same thing to the country. And, at the risk of sounding repetitive, might I suggest that giving the presidency to this simpering goobah would be the worst decision since the guy leading the Donner Party said "quit yer bitchin', I know the way"?

Few people manage to wrap up so many undesirable personality traits into one giant trashbag ego as "Insane In The Membrane" McCain. He's a vicious asshole of the highest order (according to people who like him) with a hair-trigger temper and the capacity to reverse positions with the frequency of an AC power outlet. He's a vainglorious dick who exploits his military service like there's nothing tacky about yelling about your own heroism at every given opportunity... He's a 'family values' defender and a serial philanderer who dumped his first wife when she got crippled. He's 'straight talker' who drops the 'F' bomb with alacrity [1] [2] [3] and a defender of conservative morality who has kissed every crooked ass from mob boss Joe Bonano, the Russian Mafia, through Jerry Falwell to George W. Bush. But worst of all, McCain is just one more clueless, policy-less, dream-less Republican power junkie for whom power unfettered by any nod toward the good of the country is paramount.

With McCain at the helm, the GOP are conducting an all-out campaign against positivism. Usually Republican candidates climb the moral high ground to hide their policy dwarfism and pretend they actually have something to sell besides their negativity. But this time around McCain will be all guns blazing against the hope, honesty, change and transcendence being touted by Obama. And for what? So he can enable the rethuglican sheeple who mistake his deficiencies for strengths to sell-out their own prosperity and security to give him the power he craves? God help us. Even Bush had ideas. Even Bush caused change. Shit ideas and shit change granted, but McCain represents even less.

It makes me wonder how the zenith of man's greatness is seen in Plato, in Einstein, in Ghandi... in so many whose minds have sent ripples of change through the centuries. And how this clown might well represent the nadir. (Link to this)

Jeez, if this cocksucker gets elected we're going to miss Bush... big time.

Even a fellow Republican refused to answer this question: "Is John McCain temperamentally suited to be President of the United States?" On yesterday's Hannity & Colmes, Sen. Bob Corker (R-TN) dodged answering Colmes and instead blathered about McCain being "an American hero." How fucking hilarious. But how fucking hilarious it wouldn't be if these idiots actually manage to get this insane, inadequate, treacherous douche bag elected.

Temperamentally suited to be President of the United States? Hell, McCain isn't even temperamentally suited to be night manager at a suburban Del Taco. Mississippi Sen. Thad Cochran (R) said recently "The thought of his being president sends a cold chill down my spine. He is erratic. He is hotheaded. He loses his temper and he worries me."

But because a good Rethuglican gives not a rat's ass how insane, inadequate or otherwise totally unfit for office a candidate is (just so long as they have an 'R' after their name), Cochran now says "I am supporting John McCain for the Republican nomination for president." Here's praying this parade of idiots don't get their wish in November. President McCain? Just shoot me. (Link to this) (Related: McCain In The Membrane: The next president of The United States?)

Obama presents his policy to cut extreme global poverty in half by 2015 through aid, trade, debt relief and other programs. Wingnut panties bunch at the prospect of (non-existent) tax increases...

This administration is blowing $275 million per day on a losing war in Iraq that is creating desperate poverty and fueling resentment against the US. But the Bush/McCain-loving sheeple herd are outraged instead that Barack Obama proposes spending $845 Billion to help poor countries instead of bombing them.

So it's Kool and The Gang to blow ever more tax dollars visiting death, poverty and misery on fly-blown corners of the world. But suggest spending much less on helping them develop into stable, peaceful societies instead? Hell no.

Even though cuntservatives pride themselves on being all about self-interest, their reaction to Obama's idea betrays their ignorance of the principle that helping others helps the helper in the long run. I'm not talking vague notions of good karma or Christian benevolence (God forbid these fucks should actually put any of that stuff they're supposed to believe in into practice), I'm talking bottom-line returns on investment such as:

Less poverty = less economic incentives for illegal immigrants
Less poverty = less emergency foreign aid
Less poverty = fewer pissed off foreigners wishing to exact retribution on the "Great Satan"
Less poverty = stronger economies and better markets for us

Seems fairly straightforward. Even to a tree-hugging, hippie liberal such as myself. But today's cuntservatives can't even do self-interest right. Just as they've proven catastrophically incapable of fiscal restraint, they're now too dumb to be selfish motherfuckers as well. Both cornerstones of conservatism busted... Barry Goldwater must be spinning in his grave. (Link to this)

"Who’s inevitable now? With three landslide victories in Tuesday's "Chesapeake Primary" in Virginia, Maryland, and Washington, D.C., and a widening lead by any measure of delegates, Senator Barack Obama's supporters have begun to suggest a case that, just a few months ago, was coming from Hillary Rodham Clinton: He’s a lock." CBS News

This degree of enthusiasm might be embarrassing, but is it sustainable?

Watching Obama speechify is an absorbing spectacle. Even for us jaded types who like to hate everybody. While McCain's oratorical skills seem to run the gamut from mumbling to bitching, Obama brings it like JFK meets MLK. And, when swept away by this new current of defiant optimism, even dumb banners like the one above can be overlooked.

"This is the new American majority. This is what change looks like." Said Obama last night. He's now at least 100 ahead in the delegate count. He's scoring those Latino votes Clinton was banking on. And he's even making headway with the white, monster truck and Bud Light constituency who voted Bush/Cheney twice in a row. Jeez, maybe this really is what change looks like..?

But can this upbeat, positive mood that's sweeping the country be sustained until nomination? And there's a long way to go til November - plenty of time for people to work all that fluff through their systems and decide on McCain as the 'pragmatic choice.'

Let's just hope Obama makes it. The prospect of Clinton and McCain rolling out their incestuous campaigns to dupe and terrorize the country instead just makes me want to punch myself into a merciful coma. (Link to this)

Clinton shedding credibility faster than a baptist minister in drag...

Clinton has labeled Obama the "establishment candidate" in a desperate bid to elicit sympathy votes by playing herself as the underdog candidate. But former first lady and New York Senator Clinton has been a household name for more than 16 years - hardly the antithesis of an establishment candidate. And in what parallel universe does the black guy represent the establishment anyway?

Maybe Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton can finally put away their megaphones now black is a component hue of the establishment rainbow (previously running from blue blood to WASP white). If only MLK and Malcolm X could have lived to see the day...

But perhaps we shouldn't get too carried away. It might just be that Clinton is feeling a little desperate following Obama's wins this weekend in Washington state, Nebraska and Louisiana. That and having your campaign manager resign on you at this early stage in the game doesn't exactly bode well. (Link to this)

While on the subject of ignominious ends to once powerful criminal careers, Karl Rove's slide from Bush's brain to Roger Ailes' tame shill has got to sting. And the quality of his lies are definitely suffering. Last night he lied so stupidly it was hard to imagine it was the same guy we knew and loathed a year ago:

Any chimp with an internet connection could blow that out of the water. In the national polls, Obama is beating McCain. In the same polls Clinton is dead level. Even in F(oxymoron) News' own poll, Obama is one point ahead of McCain.

So do we assume MC Rove is just throwing erroneous crap out there and betting that Fox viewers, like Fox staff, are too lazy/dumb/contemptuous of reality to fact check? Sad. (Link to this)

Hear ye, hear ye! Fat dude in lingerie engaged in coitus with a Range Rover tail pipe hereafter to be accepted as the international symbol for improbable idiocy.

Stupid Myth:
Barack Obama is a secret Muslim. "Obama was enrolled in a Wahabi school in Jakarta. Wahabism is the radical teaching that is followed by the Muslim terrorists who are now waging Jihad against the western world."

Stupid Reality:
Sesame Street's Bert is an al Qaeda hero. A spoof picture of muppet Bert with Osama bin Laden was inadvertently picked up by someone in Bangladesh scouring the Web for reference material. The picture later appeared as part of this banner above. (Link to this)

For those of us who agree with Obama that he should be the next prez and (rightly or wrongly) see him as the only real fixer opposing the same-old-same-old old guard, the results on "Super Tuesday" seemed frustratingly inconclusive.

But were they? Here are some reasons not to can our new-found optimism just yet:

So, like they say, just follow the money. (Link to this)

Is the Washington Post actually putting the monkeys and typewriters theory into practice? Or do they just employ any drooling 'tard with a pocket thesaurus and fingers these days?

Some extraordinarily sloppy hyberbolic diarrhea caught my eye this Super Tuesday courtesy of WaPo:

Jeez, "Voters streamed"? Yeh, right. People got in cars and drove to their local Methodist Chapels and elementary schools to vote. Maybe they yawned a bit... But they didn't fucking "stream" anywhere.

Skip past the redundant use of "22 states throughout the country" (where the fuck else would all those states be located? Maybe some in the US, a few in Bolivia and a couple in Khyrgistan..?) and witness a witlessly inappropriate use of the phrase "historic clashes."

First off, it's an election not a heavyweight bout in Vegas, twatface. And just saying it's "historic" doesn't fucking make it "historic." And, secondly, hasn't everybody had enough of our media's infantile preoccupation with confrontation? I repeat: it's a fucking election NOT a clash. This election may be a competition, maybe a bitchfest at best, but it's not a "clash."

And here comes more mental helium... the ubiquitous "black or woman president" angle. Really, who gives a monkey's scrotum whether the next president of these United States is male, female, black, white, or a fucking Lebanese midget with five assholes? It's about the issues, WaPo dullard. You know... all that stuff that's supposed to be important that you think is too dull to write about? I couldn't give a fuck how black Obama is. If he turns out to be an ineffectual jerkwad, how far is he going to coast on the 'black president' angle? Same goes for Clinton. So what's the point in prattling incessantly about their respective ethnicities and genders as if they have any bearing on what kind of job they'd do? Just shut the fuck up if you don't have anything worthwhile to say!

Please, dear reader, join me in emailing Chris Cillizza at WaPo (Fuck me, even this idiot's name is ridiculous) and recommend that for the good of the country, he pursues a different career path. Profanities optional though encouraged. (Link to this)

More record winter highs in Canada. But the jury's still out on climate change?

"It should be freezing out there. It should not be melting like it is," said Environment Canada senior climatologist David Phillips. "These are clearly temperatures that are 10 or 11 degrees above where they should be," Phillips said.

Much as I admire the Great Ron Paul, his 'jury still out on global warming' stance is looking increasingly stubborn and not a little bit mental. And, as a supposed enemy of the corporate welfare-nurtured big-business beast, where does his Paulness get off touting the "markets as the best way to address all environmental problems?" Come on, dude, you can do better. (Link to this)

"As is well known, Obama's fatuous utopian rhetoric promises a golden age and earthly paradise of political harmony in which all real conflicts will be magically neutralized and submerged by the senator's personal charisma." — Rense.com

On one hand, this sucks and the idea of Bush getting away with 8 straight years of moral and political carnage is dispiriting. But on the other hand, isn't it time we forgot about impeachment so we can all move forward positively and purge the system of his malignancy?

However much Bushco™ deserve comeuppance, impeachment would only waste money, generate millions of hours of pointless news jabber and, ultimately, be nothing more than a fruitless exercise in symbolism. It's a bitch, but there's no way Cheney, Bush, Rove, etc., are going to undergo criminal proceedings for the havoc they have wrought. Under the Constitution, impeachment won't work that way and wishing it did (however justifiably) achieves nothing but the postponement of George Bush's date with obscurity.

Crooked presidents like Nixon and Bush get a free-pass courtesy of the framers of the Constitution. That's because they couldn't foresee such bastards being able to dodge the checks and balances and slither into office unimpeded by rational governance. But that was back when voting was done by a few rich guys with clay pipes and wigs. Now the voting is done by us gullible plebs who are wont to elect any old shyster with a few million to splurge and a slick line in bullshittery.

So, please, let's concentrate instead on rehabilitating our sick democracy, bringing the country back together and erasing the dumb red/blue rift the MSM is so keen on perpetuating. And if Obama is our best bet to achieve these worthy aspirations, and if backing him involves taking impeachment off the table, so be it. Our priority should be consigning Bushco™ and their manifold transgressions to the dumpster of history... they're the Hague war crimes tribunals' problem now. (Link to this)

Sure, they might now be almost as old and unhip as Wilfred Brimley, but as far as celeb endorsements go, this one's a doozy. Will Obama pass The Kool Aid Electric Acid Test? (Link to this)

Because if anyone's fair and balanced, it's Karl Rove.

"Karl Rove, the strategist behind President George W. Bush's ascendancy to the White House, will join Rupert Murdoch's Fox News Channel as a contributor starting with Super Tuesday, the network said." Fuck me... does that constitute a 'perfect storm' of evil?

But will Karl Rove, a man who built a career on lying cynically and viciously, be able to live up to F(oxymoron) News' journalistic standards? Yesterday he compared George Bush's abilities to those of Abraham Lincoln... so I guess that's a given. (Link to this)

John Mellancamp tells John McCain to quit playing his songs at campaign rallies.

Mellancamp has asked that John McCain quits playing his songs "Our Country" and "Pink Houses". His position as a John Edwards Dem probably had a lot to do with him taking offense at his songs being coopted by the Weasel Talk Express. But common sense should also have had a part to play in deciding lyrics like "And there’s room enough here for religion to forgive" had no business being played within earshot of a Rethuglican love-in.

Perhaps, given his penchant for warmongering and his dwindling funds, McCain might want to hire Wilfred Brimley to run through a medley of Wagnerian martial refrains on the harmonica at his next mini-Nuremburg instead. (Link to this)

 

FRIED WIRE
STORE
STILL OPEN
(Buy something
dammit)

T-shirts, bumper
stickers and
other stuff




Please visit my
linking partner
(not in a gay way)
so they'll keep
me listed:



"The Web's Best
Morons Under
One Roof"
so have at it

 

GREAT PIONEERS OF NEOCON THOUGHT
#10

"My only regret
with Timothy McVeigh
is he did not go to
the New York Times
Building."

Ann 'Shemale' Coulter
(New York Observer,
August 20, 2002)

All non-stolen content
and bad HTML :
© 2004 - 2007 Byte Me