"Through my cartoons, I hope to convey to people abroad what ordinary Japanese people think, our lifestyles and what kind of future we want to build." Doraemon, cartoon robot cat and "anime ambassador"

Japanese Foreign Minister Masahiko Komura appointed Doraemon, cartoon robot cat, "anime ambassador," at an official inauguration ceremony today. "Doraemon, I hope you will travel around the world as an anime ambassador to deepen people's understanding of Japan so they will become friends with Japan," Komura told the blue-and-white cat.

Astro Boy, another cartoon icon, was named last November as ambassador for overseas safety.

But don't get all cocky, Japan. Appointing cartoon character ambassadors is nothing new. We beat you to that punch with John Bolton. (Link to this)

Q: When does an idiotic statement with potentially disastrous international repercussions that exposes you as a woefully inadequate presidential prospect constitute a 'gaffe'? A: When the MSM is on your side. Good work, news media!

McBush's recent ravings over the non-existent connection between Iran and al Qaeda is possibly the most pathetic thing I've seen on TV since NBC screened trailers for the second season of "Joey". McBush, the great "experienced one" and self-styled foreign policy expert, has shown himself up as a clueless dipwad and a presidential disaster in the making. Or at least he would have done had not our loyal MSM done some pretty quick damage limitation on his behalf.

The standard clip has seen a lot of play on the news networks and it's usually referred to as a 'gaffe' - thereby implying an innocent malapropism and no foul for McBush. For example, beardy sleep-aid Wolf Blitzer said that McBush "quickly corrected [himself] after some prodding from his Senate colleague, Joe Lieberman." And, if you watch the standard version of McBush's speech, it does appear that he addressed his 'gaffe' as lickety-split as a septuagenarian with a life spent basting in the Arizona sun might be expected to.

But go watch the unedited version of the press conference instead. You'll notice that McBush's brain fart hangs in the air for more than 60 awkward seconds before Lieberman - not McCain - corrects it. This means his statement was delivered confidently without pause or second thought and that McBush was blissfully unaware he had been talking errant crap.

So let's dispense with the harmless-sounding term 'gaffe' and consider the scary reality of McBush's brain fart: it's staggering length. This wasn't just a fart, it was a lengthy expulsion of noxious mind gas that suggested his brain had been gorging on tainted burritos and sulphur-enriched broccoli juice for days beforehand. So instead of saying "John McCain quickly corrected his gaffe", wouldn't it be more accurate to say "John McCain made a dumb statement and Joe Lieberman corrected him [much] later?"

It's not just semantics. There is a world of difference between making a verbal slip, as the MSM would have you believe this was, and being an ill-informed old twat who doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about but still thinks he has what it takes to be Commander-in-Chief. (Link to this)

Dick Cheney: Iraq going great, asbestos cures cancer and Amy Winehouse is f**kable.

Sometimes people say stuff that is so far removed from actuality, it almost constitutes self-parody. Dick Cheney was recently defrosted in Baghdad and plugged in to make a statement that soars like a retarded eagle with a jet pack beyond ridiculousness into some far-flung stratosphere of f**king stupid:

Soon after he spoke, an almost inevitable suicide bombing killed 32 people near a mosque in the city of Kerbala, south of Baghdad. Just one more small success..?

With "a third of Iraqis displaced, in need of emergency aid or dead" how can anyone argue with Cheney's astute assessment?

And with 4,000 of our troops killed, an economy in recession and the Iraqi 'government' looking about as keen to assume the reigns of power as our Democratic party at home, who could be churlish enough to say "hang on there Mr Cheney, aren't you, like, totally full of s**t?" (Link to this)

"Be not afraid of greatness; some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them." William Shakespeare

A lot of people these days are wrestling with their cynicism over Barack Obama. They like him and suspect he'd make one of the greatest presidents ever. But then they go second-guessing themselves and fear they've been slickly conned by the political equivalent of the Maroon Buick Salesman of the Month. It's a tricky one to be sure... but a simple test to determine Obama's genuineness exists: let's call it the Dick Test.

Cynical people such as myself (i.e., dicks) have long been convinced by the logical conundrum that anyone who actually wants to lead this country should automatically be barred from doing so for the sake of the common good. We are sick of the self-serving orgy that our electoral process has become and we're sick of egomaniacs treating the White House as some kind of personal goal or lucrative retirement plan. Underneath our sarcasm and bitterness, we dicks genuinely crave a candidate who reflects those old principles of duty, service, selflessness and statesmanship (i.e., greatness). But so many of the poltroons and bozos running for office these days represent nothing of those ideals. Maybe if Shakespeare were around, he might be inspired by our Clintons and McBushes to add a fourth condition of greatness: "Some drive us freaking nuts thrusting their non-existent greatness upon us."

But Obama? Even though his opponents may try to persuade you he's just some kind of Rasputin who's managed to enthrall us dumb sluts with his fancy talk, don't believe it. Us dicks like him too and we are not so easily distracted by bright, shiny objects. He passes our test with flying colors because he is the first candidate we can remember who is actually worth a shit and who embodies the statesman-like values other candidates only fake with varying degrees of success.

The Dick Test also gauges how inclined the subject is to respond to dickishness in kind and therefore fail miserably to look like a statesmen. But, Jeez, this guy responds to Clinton's cheap shots about the 'hateful' Reverend Wright by delivering one of the finest and most sincere speeches since the Gettysburg Address. Wow. Look at Clinton and McBush... then listen to the "More Perfect Union" speech. In political terms, it's like Tiger Woods just strolled onto the put-put course to tackle the windmill. It's almost as if Clinton's cheap shots have "thrust greatness upon him" by giving him a great opportunity to cataclysmically outclass her and pass the Dick Test with flying colors.

So if you're one of those doubters who want to support Obama but worry that you're being duped, I'd say just go for it. Barack Obama is 100% Dick Test certified.

Epilogue:
Fried Wire recently signed on at Clinton's Web site so I could leave some negative comments on her Stepford Wives-style blog. Now I must be on the mailing list as a supporter (he he he). To compare and contrast with Obama's style, let me share with you this email I just got from the Clinton campaign:

There may be a competition going on, but has any candidate ever shown such mean-spirited dickishness to a candidate in the same damned party during a primary? How sad it is that they wheel out the old "we can't let that happen" call to action usually reserved for talking about George Bush's latest proposed affront to humanity and reason? What the hell is wrong with the Clintons???

But, even now, there still exists one way for Hillary Clinton to up her Dick Test zero-average. She's gone too far along the trail of ego-fueled, Kamikaze-like insanity to ever pass, but she could go some way to redeeming herself if she'd just step the hell down and help Obama win. Perhaps even a C minus would be in order? (Link to this)

Let me be first to say it... It's the end of the world AND Hillary Clinton's running again. How much worse can 2012 get?

Even by the stomach-churningly nasty standards of American electioneering, Hillary Clinton is behaving like an off-the-scale bitch. She has demonstrated she doesn't give a damn about the American people, the Democratic base or anything other than her own obsessive pursuit of power. With the tenacity and viciousness of a cornered sewer rat, she's done more to turn off voters and destroy her own party than would have previously been thought possible. Why?

Although I long suspected Clinton was angling for a McCain veep gig (or vice-versa), I must confess to feeling a little retarded for not having figured out the nauseating scenario illustrated above. Man, those Rovian scorched-earth election tactics of yesteryear are starting to look cute compared with the brutal machinations of the Clinton campaign. At least Rove served his own party at election time and only colluded in betraying it's base after the election was won. Anyone who gives a damn about the future of this country can only hope Clinton's kamikaze campaign implodes pretty soon.

And why are the DNC sitting idly by and letting this horror unfold? Have all those years of defeatist masochism brought them to the point where they can't even imagine a Dem beating a Bush-appointed loser like McCain and have given up on Obama? Worse-than-useless dullards. 'Shame' does not even begin to sum up the situation. (Link to this)

"President George W. Bush joins Arizona Senator John McCain in a small celebration of McCain's 69th birthday Monday, Aug. 29, 2005, after the President's arrival at Luke Air Force Base near Phoenix." (whitehouse.gov)

What else was happening on August 29, 2005? Nothing much...

"Once-in-a-lifetime event"? Jeez Ray, you party pooper, so's McBush's 69th birthday. (Link to this)

"During a national TV interview Tuesday, Romney said he would be 'honored' to be selected by the Arizona senator." - Romney on McBush

McBush and Fonz's Dad? 'Nightmare' seems too lively a word, but it sure as hell would be the opposite of a 'Dream Ticket' if Romney does run with 2008's hot young GOP hopeful and part-time Kraftwerk impersonator. Imagine those rallies... the crowd excitement of a 4-hour timeshare seminar combined with the kind of adrenalin rush usually associated with watching the farming news report. Man, I can hardly wait! (Link to this)

"We know there is one person who can bring us back, one person who has the vision, the courage, the guts to say what has to be said, to stand up to those interests who do not like to be stood up to." - Eliot Spitzer on (cheap snigger...) Hillary Clinton

I'm still reeling from the horror and surprise I experienced on Monday when I first realized Spitzer was not a Republican. But at least I can allow myself an almost as large a sneer now I know he's a Clinton Democrat. (Link to this)

McCain continues his awkward flirtation with the American Taliban. But is it worth it?

Senator McBush has hailed as a spiritual adviser an Ohio megachurch pastor who has called upon Christians to wage a "war" against the "false religion" of Islam with the aim of destroying it. Televangelist Rod Parsley, who refers to himself as a "Christocrat", claims that Islam is an "anti-Christ religion" predicated on deception. (Kinda like Neoconservative Republicanism)

Although Parsley is credited with helping Bush win Ohio in 2004 by sending his flock out to vote for him, the evangelical/Christian fascist demographic is now no longer the force it used to be. Too many Jeezuzlanders feel betrayed by Bushco and are fast losing interest in who gets to govern the earthly realm. This time around, it's hard to imagine many of them bothering to saddle up their horse and buggies to go vote for a guy endorsed by Bush - even with the urging of their nutjob pastors.

So it'll be interesting to see if McBush seeks to disassociate himself from this kind of twisted bullshit in the interests of at least appearing to represent America's estimated 6-7 million Muslims. Or does the president now get to pick and choose which citizens to represent? Isn't that like... err... unconstitutional?

It's amazing that anyone even votes Republican any more. After working so hard to alienate such sizeable segments of our society as black people (campaign debate snubs and race-based Obama attacks), gays (all that stigmatizing and hypocricy), latinos (let's build a big fence), Muslims (well, you know...), the American middle class (read: tent-city dwelling class) and now evangelicals (thanks for the vote, let's keep killing fetuses), who the hell is left to vote for these clowns anyway? Or perhaps Republican voters are the living embodiment of Groucho Marx's quip about not wanting to belong to any club that would have him as a member. (Link to this)

Go Clinton. In the name of God, just go... please!

I'm a big connoisseur of irony. And the Clinton kamikaze campaign is chock-full of the stuff. How ironic, for example, that most non-wingnuts have spent the past 8-years fondly remembering the Bill Clinton era and wishing he could come back and save us from Bush like some kind of trouserless Golem. But now we have a chance to elect his missus and have him back in the WH, they're coming off more like same old, same old and turning us off faster than a Rosie O'Donnell sex tape.

It's ironic too that the much-vaunted Clintonian penchant for chicanery and ruthless tactics turns out to be a crock too. After all, what is all that hinting about a joint ticket with Obama but a public admission that you ain't gonna win? You'd think they'd play their cards closer to their chest than that.

Imagine too the irony of "America's First Black First Lady" now fronting a timewarp campaign that seems more designed to appeal to pre-civil rights Southern Democrats than disgruntled contemporary liberals. In Mississippi, Obama won nine out of ten black votes. Not exactly a ringing endorsement for America's First Black First Lady. And then, as if the Clintons weren't looking overly Caucasian enough, along comes Geraldine Ferraro...

Ferraro is standing by her recent squalid comment that Barack Obama is "only where he is because he's black." Ferraro, DNC high-flier (ran with Mondale in 1984) and senior Clinton team member, is instead trying to pass off her racist slight as a compliment. Hmm... This must be some kind of new political manners I know nothing of. When your candidate is being trounced, it's more usual not to start saying nice things about your opponent. But what do I know?

But you don't survive 300 years in politics without thinking about what you say. Ferraro knows damn well her comment was intended as a coded call to action for those mean-spirited jerks who rail against quotas and affirmative action because they believe black people are otherwise genetically incapable of achieving success.

Do Clinton voters really believe Obama is some kind of token candidate being allowed a free pass, irrespective of his merits, only because he's black? Of course Ferraro and Clinton are not stupid. But they're betting that a lot of potential voters in the upcoming 'must-win' Pennsylvania primary are. Clinton strategist James Carville once described Pennsylvania as Philadelphia in the east, Pittsburgh to the west and Alabama in the middle. What better time for Clinton to ramp up the subtle racism. Sad, sad, sad. (Link to this)

Call me a sick, unsympathetic SOB, but I think it's possible to get a laugh from almost any unlikely situation. Killing sprees, Hillary Clinton and comedy wingnuts can all yield a titter.

Steve King: the funniest thing out of Iowa since... err...

Killing sprees not funny? How about if the shooter goes by the name of Weenus Chumkamnerd? How about if he was inspired to shoot dead eight of his neighbors after "tiring of their karaoke versions of popular songs, including John Denver’s Country Roads"? If you ain't at least smirking, you must be deader inside than one of Weenus' neighbors.

How about Clinton? How about the girl from Hillary Clinton's lame but depressingly effective "3 a.m." ad being interviewed on TV and voicing her dislike of the ad and her support for Obama?

"What I don't like about the ad is its fear-mongering," Casey Knowles, now 18, told Good Morning America on Sunday. "I think it's a cheap hit to take. I really prefer Obama's message of looking forward to a bright future." Ha!

For one final snicker, let's ruminate on this zinger from Steve King, satirist and Republican Representative from Iowa: "I will tell you that, if [Obama] is elected president, then the Al-Qaeda, the radical Islamists and their supporters, will be dancing in the streets in greater numbers than they did on September 11 because they will declare victory in this war on terror." Good one Steve...

Really, you have to laugh at King because not to do so would beg uncomfortable questions like "why is this embarrassing disgrace to human intelligence (even in Iowa) not asked to resign?" You know King must be playing it for laughs. (Link to this)

Go Clinton. In the name of God, just go... please!

Clinton is now showing she can lie and self-aggrandize with the best worst of them. It's almost as if she's a Republican.

Andrew Sullivan, everyone's favorite bald catholic homosexual conservative, refers us to a Chicago Tribune article that refutes some of her most massively stupid claims about her own experience and achievements:

Brought peace to Northern Ireland??? Err... right, of course you did, Hillary. And with reference to Macedonia, the article points out that "The Macedonian government opened its border to refugees the day before Clinton arrived to meet with government leaders."

Sullivan adds that Clinton has "no executive experience. She has less legislative experience than Obama. And she has not just exaggerated, but flat-out lied, about her non-achievements." Pass that to a Hillary supporter.

Obama is ahead on the popular vote and on pledged delegates. If the DNC does have some kind of self-destructive brain fart and, via those 'Super delegates', passes the torch to this divisive, egomaniacal, fraudulent, irrelevant and outmoded shyster it might just be the saddest day for democracy since the call-off of the Florida recount. (Link to this)

How do you undermine the success of a candidate who is inconveniently popular? Simple. Deploy the "C" word...

Google yields 539,000 hits for the keywords 'Obama, cult' (E.G., "The Obama Cult of Nonthreatening Personality", "The Mystery of the Obama Cult", "The Obama Cult: Both Ugly And Beautiful").

Don't these 539,000 jerkwads understand the implications of using such a lazy, catch-all slur? Don't they worry there might be repercussions in dismissing the millions of voters backing America's most popular candidate as a bunch of beguiled and delusional airheads? Hopefully, the tactic will backfire and generate further lost credibility for themselves and their brand of screechy news-o-tainment. They're not taking potshots at a few voiceless wackjobs when they toss around the 'c' word, they're picking on what currently constitutes a majority of American people. So brave (or stupid) words indeed.

There's a lot of us "Obama cultists" out here and our brains-to-candidate ratio is pretty impressive. The media Obama-haters would be better off insulting Clinton's base of black-hating 'rojonecks' or McCain's base of everybody-hating crackers than trifling with America's intelligentsia who have thrown in their lot with Obama. Am I going too far? Well, do you know anyone in sound mind and without party agenda who would genuinely prefer Clinton or, God forbid, McBush over Obama for president?

(OK... maybe I've gone too far. Boasting about smarts is distinctly unAmerican these days. Let's get back to the cult issue before my email firing squad suggests another one-way ticket to France where gross stuff like escargot, hirsute underarms and thinking are appreciated.)

The 'C' Word continued...
Perhaps that old aphorism about history repeating itself is not so much of a meaningless cliché. Camille Paglia reports on the primaries for Salon:

But she's not talking about the 2008 primaries. It's the 2000 Republican primary and Candidate A is John McCain. Candidate B? What Paglia refers to as that "inarticulate lightweight" Texas Governor. Not sure if irony is the appropriate word, but it's certainly weird to see Obama's campaign following the same trajectory and suffering the same cultic smears today as McCain's did back in 2000.

But for Obama "Cultists" Paglia offers a shred of comfort from 8-years thither. Apparently "Like it or not, with few exceptions, the taller presidential candidate always wins." (N.B: Obama: 6'2", McBush: 5'7") (Link to this)

Don't get me wrong, I think "Say No Go" was a great song. Even though Hall and Oates' brand of nerdish pop-soul is a text-book example of muzak for folks who don't 'get' music and are turned off by passion and edginess, it's hard to hate them cuz they were just so infectious. Kinda like the Three's Company sig tune, athlete's foot or Snoop Dogg's made-up words.

Hall and Oates were the soundtrack to sales office holiday parties. They made songs for cheap-suited bald guys to knead office administrator rear end to; tunes for toner salesmen to hum between bouts of bored roadside masturbation in their company Hyundais; for people who choose beige because taupe is too edgy; for holiday drinkers who get wasted bi-annually and robot dance their way through Tina Turner's entire back catalog; for people who lock their doors when they pass anyone black and under 40; for people who always ask for mild sauce... In short, Hall and Oates are for people who fear the activity of living and treat passion with suspicion. They are for people who prefer to live out their years in comfy states of non-committal leaving every envelope unpushed and every thought firmly within the box.

So where am I going with this Hall and Oates crap? It's my analogy for the otherwise inexplicable phenomenon of Hillary Clinton's enduring popularity. She is the political equivalent of Hall and Oates: bland, well-executed fodder for people who are turned off by genuine passion. Sure, she can turn out some catchy tunes. But they are completely devoid of edge, grit, soul, innovation, risk or anything else that makes things interesting. Clinton's politics is muzak for people who don't like politics.

You vote McCain because you don't care if the whole world goes to hell as long as you pay lower taxes. You vote Obama if you're morally opposed to injustice and are impatient for change. You vote Clinton because she cried at a rally once. Oh, that and you "weally, weally want a woman to be president." While McBush and Obama represent the people with passionately-held, deep-rooted political beliefs (messed-up or not), Clinton represents only the triumph of vacuousness.

I respect McCain more than Clinton. There, I said it. With all his warmongering bluster, Bushco-backing and unashamed nastiness, he is at least sincere about his insincerity. And, however foul, icky and injurious to the common good they might be, McBush's beliefs have substance. What does Clinton represent that's worthy of respect? The ability to cry on cue like a Tiny Tears doll? The ability to pass off days spent choosing drapes for the White House while her husband got oral from skanks as experience?

She might be presenting her recent wins in Texas and Ohio as victories, but she's lost the war. She's more likely to run as McBush's veep than beat him. So why is the DNC betraying the people again by allowing the pointless in-fighting to continue? Grow them cojones back Howard and put a stop to it. Let the people who actually care about music choose the next song instead of ceding momentum to those Clinton-loving clones clamoring for Hall and Oates. Our ears are bleeding from 8 years of Bush-Cheney Death Metal and "Say No Go" ain't gonna cut it. (Link to this)

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has a blog. Style-wise, it's not exactly Rolling Stone - more Hewell Hauser popping tranquilizers with the guy who writes IRS forms - but the comments section is a weird trip.

Amazingly, the president of Iran doesn't believe in screening (take a tip Townhall.com, you bunch of pussies!), so there's a great opportunity here for American cuntservatives to do their bit for international relations and speak directly to a foreign head of state with whom they share many misunderstandings and disagreements. Here are some choice comments by American visitors that should make every patriot swell with pride:

Interesting to see Obama's ideas about talking to our 'enemies' gaining exceptance on the right. (Link to this)

 

 

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