Current (Archived: November-December 2005 | August-October 2005 | June-July 2005 | January-May 2005 | 2004)

BUSH BREAKS AMERICA
December 30, 2005 (WASHINGTON, DC)

In a spectacular display of fiscal conservatism in action, US Treasury Secretary John Snow has announced that the government will be flat broke in two months unless Congress agrees to raise the debt ceiling. Snow warned that the previously imposed statutory debt limit of 8.184 trillion dollars would be reached by mid-February and the government would then lose its borrowing power. Even if Treasury took "all available prudent and legal actions to avoid breaching the statutory debt limit, we anticipate that we can finance government operations no longer than mid-March." He added. (story) Happy new year!

Could this be reason #3270 why Bush is the most useless piece of shit ever to stumble into the White House? (Link to this)

TERRORISM IN LA
December 27, 2005 (SHREVEPORT, Lousiana)

Earlier this month a terrorist bombing occured in Lousiana. Hadn't heard about it? Perhaps that's because the psychotic religious fundamentalist perpetrators were Christians not Muslims and the bit of America they were trying to destroy happened to be an abortion clinic.

"This is not a crime to be taken lightly," said Shreveport Fire Department spokesman Brian Crawford, "because of the nature of this crime, someone could also be charged with domestic terrorism." (story) Personally, I wouldn't hold my breath waiting.

Starngely, nobody seems too keen on talking about this bombing apart from the pious Christians at ArmyofGod.com who jumped all over it like monkeys with hard-ons. Their story headlined "Babykilling Abortion Mill Firebombed" led into an article about making Molotov cocktails and ended with this inspiring quote: "Unborn babies deserve to be protected from the babykilling abortionists that would kill them." So why the hell aren't these dangerous terrorists in Guantanamo Bay? Could it be something to do with not alienating Republican grassroots support? (Link to this)

JIHAD IN MY PANTS
December 23, 2005 (NEW YORK, New York)

Wafah Dufour, Arab semi-babe and niece of Osama bin Laden, appears in GQ magazine in the kind of skimpy attire that would surely inspire a stoning in some of the less free-and-easy parts of the Mid-east.

Dufour says she "has nothing in common with the al-Qaeda leader and simply wants acceptance by Americans." As an afterthought that would surely have had Uncle Osama spluttering over his hookah, she also claimed she would never date a Muslim fundamentalist. (story)

Obviously Wafah isn't too shoddy-looking, but there is an unfortunate and distinctly creepy family resemblence. Just try picturing her with a full beard and without those fashionably piscine lips. yikes. (Link to this)

COMMUNIST APE MEN
December 21, 2005 (MOSCOW, Russia)

Recently uncovered documents from the 1920s reveal Stalin's failed plan to create ape man super warriors. Stalin ordered his scientists to create a "new invincible human being, insensitive to pain, resistant and indifferent about the quality of food they eat."

Russia's top animal breeding scientist, Ilya Ivanov, was dispatched to West Africa with $200,000 to conduct his first experiments in 1926. Unfortunately for Ivanov, his efforts to impregnate human volunteers with ape jizz were not a roaring success. He spent his remaining years exiled in Kazakhstan. (story) (Link to this)

TOM DELAY'S LIFE OF REILLY
December 21, 2005

Tom DeLay with arm in large fish. This photo is on his Web site. Why?

Public documents reviewed by The Associated Press give a flavor of how Tom DeLay was living the high life using misappropriated funds during his tenure as Speaker:

• More than 48 visits to golf clubs and resortsMore than 100 flights aboard company planesMore than 200 hotel stays
• More than 500 restaurant bills averaging $200 for two

These treats for DeLay and his associates were paid for out of donations collected by campaign committees, political action committees and the DeLay Foundation for Kids. According to the DeLay Foundation For Kids' Web site "Abuse takes a greedy and damaging toll on their development, on their education and on their future. And the worst scars are those that remain invisible." Strangely, the site doesn't mention anything about using donations to boost the über-Shyster's Little Lord Fauntleroy lifestyle.But if Tom's inspiring struggle against the forces of ethics and decency inspires you to action, he is currently soliciting donations for his defense fund. Of course, there are no guarantees what he'll actually use the money for. (story) (Link to this)

INQUISITION PUT ON PAUSE
December 16, 2005 (WASHINGTON, DC)

Bush suffered a stinging defeat Thursday when overwhelming congressional support forced him to abandon his opposition to anti-torture legislation. By House standards, the 308 to 122 vote was overwhelming. The Republican majority was split down the middle with only 122 supporting the president and 107 breaking ranks to vote no.

The reversal came after months of pressure led by Vice President Dick Cheney and National Security Advisor Steven Hadley to weaken the measure to prohibit the "cruel, inhuman, or degrading" treatment of any detainee in U.S. custody anywhere in the world.

The vote is a clear sign that John McCain is drawing support away from the neocons. This may not be good news for Democrats, who would be totally screwed by a Republican resurgence under McCain, but great news for anyone who believes that wiring prisoners' testicles up to car batteries is an un-American activity. (story) (Link to this)

BUSH FLIRTS WITH CANDOR
December 15, 2005 (PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania)

Durr Fuehrer went off the leash on Tuesday and invited off-the cuff questions from the press. In a moment that must have had the neocon puppeteers peeing their pants, Bush was asked by ballsy reporter just how many Iraqis had died since the March 2003 invasion. Bush, apparently unfazed, responded with a calm and casual "I would say 30,000 more or less have died as a result of the initial incursion and the ongoing violence against Iraqis."

This was the first time anyone in the Bush administration, let alone Durr Fuehrer himself, had ever put a figure on non-military Iraqi casualties as the military has stated it has never kept count of civilian deaths in Iraq. What's more, much to the horror of his 'counsel', Bush appeared to be relying on Iraqbodycount.org for his information. The Web site's current estimates are between 27,000 and 30,000, based on independent media and eyewitness accounts. Wow. Not only does Bush appear to be using the same source as the antiwar activists for his info, he even goes with the higher estimate.No wonder White House spokesman Scott McClellan was wheeled out later to play down his boss's brief foray into reality. "There is not an official US Government estimate," said McClellan. (story)

Bush's uncharacteristic candor, however, may be explained by his desire to further discredit the Lancet report, published last year in the official journal of the British Medical Association, that estimated a figure of 100,000 civilian casualties. These findings were quickly rejected by the US and UK governments, much to the frustration of its authors who had also been responsible for estimating war deaths in the Congo five years previously. In that case, their conclusions were widely quoted by the same governments who are now seeking to discredit their Iraq study.

Whereas the Iraq Body Count figures are based on cataloging documented fatalities, the Lancet report was based on talking to Iraqis on the ground and using demographic data to extrapolate nationwide figures from local sampling. Researchers calculated that the overall Iraqi death rate had increased from 5 percent annually to 7.9 percent since the invasion, which worked out to an excess of 100,000 deaths.

I guess it must be a far less daunting prospect for the Bush bots and wing nuts to argue down 30,000 as an exaggeration rather than 100,000. (Link to this)

THANK YOU MARTIN MEEHAN
December 14, 2005 (WASHINGTON, DC)

In another sad day for our democracy (one that must be suicidally depressed by now), the House voted to renew the USA Patriot Act.

The decision to stick with Durrr Fuehrer's ongoing campaign to trash the last vestiges of American freedom passed 251-174 with a total of 44 DINOs voting for it while some Republicans of the old school, non-fanatic persuasion actually voted no.

"If we enact the bill as written, a little bit of the liberty tree will have died," said Rep. James McGovern, D-Mass., in a well-intentioned speech that sounded like the intro to a country song. But the 'Telling It Like It Is' award must go to Martin Meehan who has probably just crossed 44 of his colleagues off his Christmas card list:

"At a time when so much of the world questions our commitment to our own values, I urge my colleagues to show the American people and the world that we will defend our country but we will do so in a way that protects those rights that make it worth defending," said Meehan who called on lawmakers to reject the House-Senate compromise. (story) (Link to this)

COULTER'S PSYCHO BABBLE THWARTED
December 14, 2005

The American Thinker (now an oxymoron?) got its panties in a bunch after Ann Coulter was shouted down on a recent ranting engagement at the University of Connecticut.

"Conservative columnist Ann Coulter gave up trying to finish a speech at the University of Connecticut on Wednesday night when boos and jeers from the audience became overwhelming. Coulter cut off the talk after 15 minutes and instead held a half-hour question-and-answer session...This is apparently typical of universities, those bastions of freedom of speech [sic] for liberals only."It's very hard to defend Coulter's right to lie and smear in public under the freedoms afforded her by the First Amendment, but I would have to — with great reluctance. Or at least, would have if I hadn't also read about a more positively received talk she gave in October to a bunch of Florida conservatives where she advocated the silencing of liberals:"They're always accusing us of repressing their speech," she said. "I say let's do it. Let's repress them." She later added, "Frankly, I'm not a big fan of the First Amendment."Of course, most every offensive syllable spat from Coulter's mouth is explained away as harmless 'polemic' that's not meant to be taken too seriously —- that way the aging skank can get away with her hate speech. But what could be said in the defense of the hypocritical pricks who clapped like sea lions when Coulter talked about silencing liberals, only to jump to the defense of free speech when the 'liberals' force her to shut her anorexic trap? (Link to this)

SCHWARZENEGGER KILLS TO STAY GOVERNOR
December 13, 2005 (SACRAMENTO, California)

The announcement that Stanley Tookie Williams' plea for clemency was rejected by Schwarzenegger wasn't exactly the surprise of the century. Following his failure to halt the execution of Stanley Tookie Williams, leaders of Austria's Green Party called for Schwarzenegger to be stripped of his Austrian citizenship. "Whoever, out of political calculation, allows the death of a person rehabilitated in such an exemplary manner has rejected the basic values of Austrian society," said Peter Pilz, a Greens leader.

In Schwarzenegger's hometown of Graz, local Greens said they would file a petition to remove his name from the southern city's sports stadium. A Christian political group went even further, suggesting it be renamed the "Stanley Tookie Williams Stadium."

"Mr. Williams had converted, and unlike Mr. Schwarzenegger, opposed every form of violence," said Richard Schadauer, the chairman of the Association of Christianity and Social Democracy.

The Vatican also denounced the death penalty for going against redemption and human dignity. "We know the death penalty doesn't resolve anything," said Cardinal Renato Martino. "Even a criminal is worthy of respect because he is a human being. The death penalty is a negation of human dignity." (story) (Link to this)

SAN QUENTIN OPERATIONAL PROCEDURE No. 770
December 12, 2005 (SACRAMENTO, California)

Crips co-founder Stanley Tookie Williams is due to die early tomorrow. Governor Schwarzenegger said "After studying the evidence, searching the history, listening to the arguments and wrestling with the profound consequences, I could find no justification for granting clemency." And, presumably, after also mulling over his dwindling conservative support given the results of his disastrous special election last month.

But not only did Williams vehemently deny that he committed the four murders that put him on death row for 24 years, but according to Earl Ofari Hutchinson at pacificnews.org, "the case against him is based on scant physical evidence, the testimony of crime-prone jailhouse informants and his fearsome reputation as street thug, doper and the co-founder of the notorious Crips gang. The evidence was shaky enough that two California Supreme Court justices and a handful of dissenting judges on the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals voted for a second look at his conviction."

Barring any last-minute legal appeal, Williams is scheduled to be executed at 12:01 a.m. on December 13. Sleep well, Governor Terminator. (Link to this)

REDNECK TALIBAN KICK PROF'S ASS
December 11, 2005 (LAWRENCE, Kansas)

University of Kansas religious studies professor Paul Mirecki spent the weekend in hospital last week after a roadside beating by outraged creationists. Mirecki was planning a class entitled "Special Topics in Religion: Intelligent Design, Creationism and other Religious Mythologies" which is now cancelled.

The two men who beat up on Mirecki expressed anger at an email he'd sent out to his class in which he'd refered to Christian conservatives as 'fundies' and said that his course describing intelligent design as mythology would be a "nice slap in their big fat face." (story) (Link to this)

LOST LUGGAGE OF THE IRAQ WAR
December 11, 2005 (SAN DIEGO, California)

The popular image of homecoming war dead is of honor guards and flag draped coffins. Now the reality, for those who have laid down their lives in Iraq, is more likely being stuffed in the hold of a scheduled commercial flight along with the luggage and being unloaded by baggage handlers just like any other cargo.

John and Stacey Holley, whose son died in Iraq last month, were not happy when they found out their son's body would be arriving home as freight. "When someone dies in combat, they need to give them the due respect they deserve for the sacrifice they made." said John Holley.

Ironically, it was only with the help of notorious, liberal troop-hater, Senator Barbara Boxer of California, that the Holleys were able to have their son's body received with the customary due honor and respect. A Defense Department representative said she "did not know why this was happening." Just like any other day in the Bush administration's war on ethics and competetence then. (story) (Link to this)

SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION
December 9, 2005 (FORT LAUDERDALE, Florida)

Super-lobbyist friend of Tom DeLay (2), Jack Abramoff (3), is expected to enter his plea next Thursday before a federal judge in connection with a $147.5 million fraud charge. His business partner, Adam Kidan (4), has already agreed to plead guilty.

Kidan and Abramoff teamed up in 2000 to buy SunCruz Casinos in Florida from former owner Konstantinos ''Gus'' Boulis. The pair lied in order to qualify for a $60 million loan which they subsequently reneged on. Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R-Calif.) served as a reference for Abramoff when he applied to lenders for the SunCruz loan. Rohrabacher said this spring that he did not remember being listed as a reference but would have been happy to have been. "He’s a very honest man," he told The Washington Post.

More scarily, Boulis was gunned down just five months after the sale was agreed. Three mobsters were later arrested by Florida police. One of them, Anthony 'Big Tony' Moscatiello (5), an associate of the late Gambino family boss John Gotti (6), told police that it was Kidan who ordered the hit on Boulis. Court records show that the hitmen were paid $250,000 by Kidan around the time of the slaying with Kidan claiming he hired them for "security and catering purposes". (story)

Fans of the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon trivia game take note: this story demonstrates a rock-solid connection between George W Bush (1) and John Gotti (6) with just four degrees of separation and a mob hit thrown in for good measure. Nice. (Link to this)

RUMSFELD OUT - BUT DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH
December 8, 2005 (WASHINGTON, DC)

[The hirsute manipulators: a bang-up-to-date result for the Fried Wire picture research department]

Bush is set to dump arch military loon Donald Rumsfeld next year. The worst president ever, now considers him a political liability and is worried that he might (cough... cough...) disrupt the smooth running of his administration. Perhaps it was Mom's idea?

The bad part is that the crazy bastard will only be jettisoned if a new government has been established in Iraq by that time. But as anything approaching a rough definition of government in Baghdad is probably light years away, it's maybe wise not to get too excited.Navy Secretary Gordon England is the favorite to take Rumsfeld's job, if and when he can be torn from his throne, though rumors are circulating that Bush is also considering Joe 'Republicrat' Lieberman for the job. If you think that sounds weird, just remember that Richard Perle — the neocon's neocon — is actually a Democrat. (story) (Link to this)

BUSHES KISSING MOONY ASS AGAIN
December 5, 2005 (TAIPEI, Taiwan)

More political LSD in the water today with the news that Neil Bush, Chimpy's punk brother (the one whose predilection for Asian hookers cost him his marriage), was hanging out with Sun Myung Moon recently to help him publicize his Doctor Evil-style plan for a 51-mile tunnel to link Alaska and Siberia.

Moon is on a 100-city speaking tour to promote his $200 billion "Peace King Tunnel" plan which he describes as both a monument to his magnificence and a totem to his prophecy of a unified Planet Earth.

Even if Moon was not a freaking lunatic (he claims that white people are descended from polar bears for fuck's sake) isn't it still a tad bizarre that America's rulers are so wont to kiss the ass of someone who also once said: "There are three guiding principles for the world to choose from: democracy, Communism and Godism. It is clear that democracy as the United States knows and practices it cannot be the model for the world."

Of course this becomes less bizarre when one considers the Bush junta's close working relationship with the Christian Right. The lunatic mainstream American Taliban, who aided and abetted Bush's rise to power, are hellbent on creating a theocracy. These 'good Americans' want to dump the constitution and replace it with Biblical laws which would include the death penalty for blaspheming, being gay or viewing Internet porn (probably). How pitiful and bizarre is it that Nation #1 is hostage to these traitorous, theocratic shit-for-brains? The lunatics truly have taken over the asylum. (story)

ARE CHENEY'S DAYS NUMBERED?
December 4, 2005 (WASHINGTON, DC)

Vice-President of torture (sorry, "enhanced interrogation techniques"), Dick Cheney, is to headline a fundraising gig for Tom DeLay later today. It may seem tacky for a VP to host a $4,200 ticket love-fest for an alleged money-launderer, but when has 'tacky' ever been known to cramp BushCo's style? The $4,200 buys groupies entry into the VIP reception in Houston and a keepsake photo op with Cheney himself. How precious. (story)But it's not all fluffy for Cheney. Apparently, Barbara Bush (pictured left giving son Chimpy a treat) is now gunning for the VP. She is reportedly blaming him for Bush Baby's lack of popularity and wants him out for not playing nice.Mom was also pissed after reading reports by Colin Powell’s ex-chief of staff, Lawrence Wilkerson, that hapless George was 'kept out of the loop' by his own staff during the run-up to the Iraq invasion. According to Steve Clemons at The Washington Note: "Barbara Bush is one of those wonders of nature (we hear) who knows no limits and can easily surge beyond category 5 hurricane winds. Should be interesting to watch the role of the First Mother in the coming couple of months. Watch for a lot to change right after the State of the Union address, I've been told."

The First Mom might be the only person with sufficient clout to put Cheney out of a job — and that is a beautiful thought — but how pathetic does that make the Commander-in-thief look? Is there a historical precedent for the leader of the free world's mommy stepping in to help him out of a tight spot?

GINGRICH SLAMS CROOKED REPUBLICANS
December 2, 2005 (SALT LAKE CITY, Utah)

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, who was in Salt Lake City on Thursday to speak to the conservative Sutherland Institute, said he was deeply troubled by the resignation Monday of Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham, R-Calif., and by the widening bribery and ethics investigation into the activities of lobbyist Jack Abramoff.

"Frankly, it sickens me," Gingrich said and called on Republicans to lead on ethics reform. "You have to clean it up. You can't tolerate it. You can't excuse it," Gingrich said during a brief news conference after visiting Salt Lake City's Shriners Hospital. "We have to set a standard as a party." (Story) (Front Page)

MORON WITH A WAR ON ATTRACTS MORE FLAK
November 30, 2005 (WASHINGTON, DC)

Military expert deems Iraq Crusades dumbest war in two-thousand years
In the latest issue of the American Jewish weekly 'Forward', an op ed piece calls for Emperor Bush to be impeached and put on trial "for misleading the American people and launching the most foolish war since Emperor Augustus in 9 BC sent his legions into Germany and lost them".

It may seem a little harsh to denounce Chimpy's Mesopotamian debacle as the dumbest war for more than two millennia, but the author could not easily be dismissed as a flake. Martin van Creveld is a professor at the Hebrew University in Jerusalem and one of the world's leading military historians. His books are widely referred to by army heads and he's on the the US Army's list of required reading for officer training. Or at least he was. (story)

Rumsfeld punk'd by General
During a torture-related press conference today, America's top army guy, General Peter Pace, said American troops are duty-bound to intercede and stop abuse of prisoners by Iraqi security personnel. "It is the absolute responsibility of every U.S. service member, if they see inhumane treatment being conducted, to intervene, to stop it." He said.

But Defense Secretary Rumsfeld was quick to disagree and told Pace he believed the General had meant to say that U.S. soldiers should only report abuse, not stop it. Pace responded to Satan thusly: "If they are physically present when inhumane treatment is taking place, they have an obligation to stop it."

I may be exercising wishful thinking, but that sounds as close to a 'fuck you' as any General can reasonably be expected to go. (story)

OUCH...
November 27, 2005 (FREMONT, California)

Qigong Grandmaster Tu Jin-Sheng demonstrated the awesome tensile strength of his 50-year old schlong today by pulling a truck with it for several yards. "He's very special. Powerful. Superman. I just came here to watch my master perform." said an appropriately named Shawnee Wang who studies under Jin-Sheng at his gym in Cupertino. (story)

POTUS MOCKED IN HIGH SCHOOL TEST
November 26, 2005 (BENNINGTON, Vermont)

Bret Chenkin, a social studies and English teacher at Mount Anthony Union High School, gave a test where students were asked to select the correct missing words to finish a series of sentences. One of his questions sparked the wrath of conservative parents:

SAMPLE TEST:
Q: I wish Bush would be ____ for once during a speech, but there are theories that his everyday diction charms the below-average mind, hence ensuring him Republican votes.

Choose one of the two option listed below:
a) Coherent
b) Eschewed

So what's the fuss about? It's not like Chenkin had option b down for the correct answer. Of course, if he had, there would have been no complaints as 'conservatives' would be unlikely to know what 'eschewed' meant. (Conservative readers click here) (story)Of course the whining bitches — sorry, conservative bloggers — were quick to start ranting. Jerkwad Michael John McCrae, hammering keys at cuntservativevoice.com, referred to Chenkin as "the acerbic wit of a public school teacher who enjoys placing his leftist agenda within the lines of his concocted Vermont public school Social Studies curriculum." Have they really nothing better to waste their brain cells on? If our glorious leader's cretinism is now such common knowledge that 16 year old school kids are now expected to take it as read, Chenkin is not the problem.

FYI: DON'T MOVE TO WEST HOLLYWOOD IF YOU DON'T LIKE DICKS
November 23, 2005 (LOS ANGELES, California)

Michael Fisk is a street fighting man. And the street he's fighting is named Dicks. Fisk, who lives on Dicks Street in the Los Angeles suburb of West Hollywood, has gone to city hall to get the road's name changed -- saying that its slang meaning has made life difficult for homeowners. "Since we moved in four years ago its just become such a hassle," Fisk said. "It's embarrassing. Something definitely needs to be changed. I realize that it's a man's name, but words change meaning, and this one has." (Reuters)

CHENEY X'D
November 22, 2005 (ATLANTA, Georgia)

CNN apologized and offered a rare explanation from its control booth for a large 'X' the network flashed over vice president Dick Cheney's face. The wayward graphic, which CNN said lasted for about one-seventh of a second, appeared during the network's live coverage of Cheney's speech on Monday addressing critics of the Bush administration's conduct of the war in Iraq. (Reuters)

REDNECK DUMBASSES
November 13, 2005 (WHITE SETTLEMENT, Texas)

Voters in the North Texas town of White Settlement defeated a measure that would have changed the town's name to something less provocative. The mayor and members of the chamber of commerce had hoped a new name would attract new business to the community. Residents voted down the proposal by a nearly 9-to-1 margin. (UPI)

[I guess Crackertown was already taken.]

HOLIDAY IN CAMBODIA
November 9, 2005 (KAMPOT, Cambodia)

The governor of a Cambodian province is suing an American Internet cafe owner over a Web site that promotes a sleepy corner of the war-scarred southeast Asian nation as an ideal place for people who want to kill themselves. Kampot governor Puth Chandarith said on Wednesday he had filed a suit against Californian Roger Graham for disseminating false information and defaming the province on his Web sites, www.euthanasiaincambodia.com and www.asian-hearts.com.

"A lot of foreigners were scared to stay here when they learnt about the Web Site saying Kampot was a good place to commit suicide with no pain," he told Reuters. Both Web sites have been taken offline since the controversy erupted, although they still carry the banner: "You're going to die anyway, so why not in Cambodia?" (Reuters)

SCHWARZENEGGER'S SPECIAL ELECTION BOMBS
November 9, 2005 (SACRAMENTO, California)

Union leaders Mike Jimenez, Barbara Kerr, Lou Paulson and Deborah Burger declare a clean sweep; Schwarzenegger gets his coat

California's movie star Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger suffered the biggest flop of his political career when voters rejected a slate of referendum measures on which he had staked his reputation. Figures from the state's top electoral official early today indicated that with 90% of votes counted, all four of the referendum propositions endorsed by Schwarzenegger had failed, two of them by wide margins. The drubbing in yesterday's election that amounted to a referendum on his rule represents a stinging defeat for the populist who swept to power in a landslide election two years ago and who is vying for re-election in just 12 months. (AFX News)

Redistricting and anti-labor 'initiatives' fail
The election results appeared to be a major setback for Schwarzenegger, who called for the vote but never succeeded in convincing Californians that it was needed. The election sparked a political brawl that invigorated Democrats and labor unions, who mounted a relentless, yearlong attack that showed that even a governor who once appeared invincible is no match for nurses, teachers and firefighters. (San Francisco Chronicle)

DEMOCRATS WIN NEW JERSEY
November 9, 2005 (TRENTON, New Jersey)

Senator Jon Corzine defeated Republican businessman Douglas Forrester in the race for New Jersey governor, spending $40 million to keep Democratic control of one of the most powerful state positions in the U.S.

A last-minute Forrester ad featuring critical comments from Corzine's ex-wife fueled voters' disgust about the campaign and may have backfired on the Republican, said Democratic U.S. Representative Robert Andrews. The quote says that when Joanne Corzine saw an ad with Andrea Forrester extolling her 30-year marriage to Forrester and saying the Republican never let his family down and wouldn't do that to New Jersey, "All I could think was that Jon did let his family down, and he'll probably let New Jersey down, too." (bloomberg.com)

OH... AND VIRGINIA TOO
November 9, 2005 (RICHMOND, Virginia)

Democrat Tim Kaine was elected governor of Virginia over Republican Jerry Kilgore in a race widely regarded as a barometer of the public mood before the 2006 congressional elections. Kaine's victory, 52 percent to 46 percent with almost all votes counted, was a setback for U.S. President George W. Bush, who made a last-minute appearance for Kilgore, a former Virginia attorney general, despite his own political troubles and declining popularity. Kaine's win in a Republican-leaning southern state gives incumbent governor and potential 2008 Democratic presidential candidate Mark Warner, who campaigned heavily for his No. 2, a political boost. (Reuters)

I DON'T KNOW WHY IT'S FUNNY, IT JUST IS SOMEHOW
November 2, 2005 (BUENOS ARIES, Argentina)

A curious Argentine newspaper reporter who interviewed President Bush yesterday asked what he carries. Bush stood up, fished around in his pockets and came up with a single hankie. Said Bush to the Spanish-speaking reporter: "No dinero, no mas, no wallet."

The president doesn't carry any cash, doesn't need a cell phone and doesn't lug around any keys, since all his needs are carefully catered to, including people who open doors everywhere he goes. When the reporter asked if the president had a watch, Bush proudly thrust out his wrist and said, "Si,Timex." (AP) [Perhaps it's the Forrest Gump-like "I got a Timex, yayyy!]

A SALUTE TO THE DRUNK GUY
November 1, 2005 (ORANGE PARK, Florida)

A partygoer dressed as "Belligerent Drunk Man" was was charged with disorderly intoxication and battery on an officer at a Halloween party. Wearing a blue sweat suit, a belt of beer can pop-tops and a Superman-style emblem on his chest reading "BDM," William A. Griffin got into a fight Sunday morning at an apartment complex, authorities said. (AP)

THIS YEAR'S IN-CLOSET ENDURANCE AWARD GOES TO...
October 28, 2005 (LOS ANGELES, California)

George Takei, 68, who as helmsman Sulu steered the Starship Enterprise through three television seasons and six movies, has come out as a homosexual in the current issue of Frontiers, a biweekly Los Angeles magazine covering the gay and lesbian community. (frontierspublishing.com)

[Fried Wire would wish George all the best with the gay bombshell but his blog page pic (left) was kind of a clue...]

DEFINITELY NOT A TREAT
October 27, 2005 (WILMINGTON, Delaware)

A woman who killed herself was left hanging in public for more than 12 hours because people who saw the body mistook it for a Halloween decoration. The woman, 42, hanged herself from a tree on a fairly busy road, state police said. It was not until hours after neighbours first saw the body hanging at breakfast time that the police were called.

"It looked like something somebody would have rigged up," local resident Fay Glanden told a local newspaper. "They thought it was a Halloween decoration," Mrs Glanden told the News Journal newspaper of Wilmington, Delaware. The body, in the town of Frederica, was clearly visible to passing cars, the report says. Police spokesman Cpl Jeff Oldham said they were treating the death as a suicide. (BBC)

OH HAPPY DAY! TOM DELAY IS FINALLY CHARGED
October 20, 2005 (SUGAR LAND, Texas)


DeLay's long awaited booking mugshot — C-Spam goes color to celebrate!
(High resolution souvenir version available from SmokingGun.com)

U.S. Rep. Tom DeLay dodged reporters and photographers awaiting his arrest in Fort Bend County today to surrender to Harris County sheriff's deputies on conspiracy and money laundering charges. DeLay, accompanied by lawyer Dick DeGuerin, arrived shortly after noon at a Harris County Sheriff's Department facility at 49 San Jacinto, said sheriff's Lt. John Martin. (Houston Chronicle)

HYPOCRISY MUST BE DRUNK 'COS IT SURE IS STAGGERING
October 17, 2005 (WASHINGTON, DC)

For the fifth straight year, President Bush has welcomed Muslims to the White House for the traditional meal after their daytime fast during the holy month of Ramadan.

The president urged his guests to "oppose all who commit evil in God's name." (Associated Press)

[Pictured left: "Hey, Laura, them ayrabs gone home yet?"]

AND REAGAN ONLY GOT AN AIRPORT
October 8, 2005 (BEIJING, China)

Production of "Clinton" and "Lewinsky" contraceptives has started in China. According to the manufacturer, Guangzhou Haojian Biotech Company, this is the first case of famous names being registered as trademarks in China. The company does not pay for this as these are "just ordinary Western names" and their usage does not violate intellectual property laws.

"Clinton" condoms cost 29,8 yuan ($3.70) for a 10-pack while "Lewinsky" condoms are aimed at the mass market and sell for only 18,8 yuan ($2.30) a pack. (China Daily)

SOME PIGS NOW KOSHER
Tishrei 6, 5766 (WASHINGTON, DC)

Israeli Ambassador to Washington Danny Ayalon stated last week that Israel will stand behind US Congressman Tom DeLay (R-Texas), who has just stepped down as House of Representatives Majority Leader as he faces charges for illegal election funding. Ayalon referred to DeLay as a "true friend of Israel" and stated we will "keep close ties with him." (Israel National News)

DELAY NEWLY INDICTED ON MONEY LAUNDERING
October 4, 2005 (WASHINGTON, DC)

A Texas grand jury indicted Rep. Tom DeLay on Monday for alleged money-laundering related to the 2002 Texas election, raising new and more serious allegations than the conspiracy charge lodged against the former House majority leader last week.

The surprising new indictments followed by a matter of hours a motion by DeLay's Texas legal defense team to quash last week's charge on grounds that the Texas prosecutor in charge of the case lacked authority to bring it. The lawyers argued that the crime of conspiracy was not covered by the state election law at the time of the alleged violation. (San Francisco Chronicle)

BILL 'ABORT BLACK BABIES' BENNETT LOSES JOB
October 4, 2005 (WASHINGTON, DC)

Former education secretary William J. Bennett over the weekend resigned as chairman of the board of education company K12 Inc., which he co-founded in 1999, following the controversial remarks he recently made associating black Americans with crime, the company said yesterday.

"The opinions expressed by Dr. Bennett on his radio program are his and his alone," the McLean-based company said yesterday in a news release. K12 sells curriculum and distance-learning products to schools and home schoolers and serves 50,000 students in 13 states, said spokesman Bryan Flood.

The former Cabinet official came under fire following a September 28 broadcast of his call-in radio show, "Morning in America," in which he said aborting black babies would result in a lower crime rate. (Washington Post) (see Media Pinhead of the Week)

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